Crazy, Goofy World

Can You Afford Your Lifestyle?

2008-04-27T12:45:00.002-04:00

I think this has to be a question all of us ask ourselves at least three times a year, particularly as we are all getting raises, more exposure to the "finer" things of life, etc.
I didn't start asking myself this until around this time last year. The reason why is because I was opened up to the world of J.Crew. While I can't wear EVERY single thing they offer (the hip-page area of pants just aren't forgiving enough--- even for a petite black woman!), I DO like the style. I started buying clothes from there... not whole outfits or whatever, but if they had nice cashmere sweaters and I knew they'd look good on me and they'd last forever, why the heck not?
But I started thinking--- does what I wear and where I live dictate my lifestyle? In my opinion, you betcha. And can I afford it? Uhhhh.... and since that hestiation is there, I've been watching myself!! LOL!!!

I remember having a conversation with three of my coworkers.. I just happen to be moseying on along and they called me into the conversation. They asked "Can you live comfortably in the DC area on 90K a year?" I almost choked and said "Absolutely." But when someone broke it down, I understood the dilemma. The guy had student loans from undergraduate school totalling to almost 100K (gosh darn!!) that he was still paying off; a car loan from a car he bought because his previous car just got messed up; a $2500 mortgage per month; and some credit card debt that was totaling to around 10K. Wow. And while he wasn't a baller, he did like to look nice, so you have to add in the whole gym membership stuff, good food, nice clothes, etc.

I'm adding this up now... if one were to make 90K a year, take out taxes, take out 5% of retirement, that's around 4800-5000 per month of take home pay (and I'm assuming that a person is having a bunch of crap taken out of their taxes or what not). That sounds good to me! However, take a closer look: after taking away the mortgage there's only 2500 left. GOSH DARN IT! Take away another 500-600 bucks for gas, water, phones, DSL and misc bills. Then you have your student loans which totals up to around 750-850 bucks a month. Then you have to eat, and that's around 250 a month (and that's frugal). Another 300 for personal care (haircuts, dry cleaners, gym memberships, washing clothes) and another 200 for possible entertainment. So that leaves you with 600 extra which would likely go towards paying off the credit cards, car insurance, car note, etc. And very little left for savings. I guess my coworker was right--- some would qualify this as barely making it.

But then let's be real, though. There are ways to make it work and make your savings grow. Do you really need a car? DC has a great Metro system. While it can be somewhat inconvinient, and take a bit of time, you can take the Metro. You don't really need a car. I've been doing alright without one for forever. I have to admit--- sometimes it's a pain not having a car but you can rent one for a half a day and just do what you've to do and you're done for the month. That would equal a fraction of paying for gas and insurance for a whole month!

I guess your lifestyle is dependent upon the choices you make. You can't have everything, particularly if you know you're being stretched by some of the things you already have. Unless you're rich up the wazoo, if you're like every other 20-something year old, then I'm afraid you're going to have to wait for either the big house, nice car, nice clothes (which need to be put in the dry cleaners which means extra dough), nice vacations, top of the line groceries, the nicest resturants, etc. I guess our generation is being told we deserve all of this stuff and we're all entitled to it. Well, can you afford it? That's the big question.

I'm back.. again! :)

2008-04-27T12:36:00.002-04:00

Hello all---

I've been away for quite some time. I have perfect excuses--- I deployed for a few months to Iraq, went to visit my now-fiance Bach Boy who was in China for a bit of time and had to get settled back into work. While work was sort of the same, I took on more and more responsibilities while one of my supervisors was preparing and now deployed. It's been a worldwind of a year, I can tell you that much.
All I know is that it is good to be back and hopefully, I can maintain this op tempo of work work work, exercise, and getting ready for the spring/summer. I am VERY excited about nice weather! haha!

Unfortunately, not practicing as much on the piano but still got love for it. :) Once I get this working thing a bit more down pat, it should work out a bit better.

There have been some changes going on around here but I think it's for the best (life-wise). At some point, you have to REALLY grow up and face life head on and really know what it is your deepest needs are and learn how to have said needs met while being able to live, work and understand other individuals in an interdependant way. Since this is so vague, it may not make sense, but I think we all come to a point to where we have to just be upfront with folks and say "No, that's not what I want." or "Sure, this is fine." While you can't control everything, you can't allow others to control you in an effort to keep the peace. It may have worked as a kid, but it definitely doesn't work as an adult. You'll run into a lot of flack because people resist not having their ways. But that's just life.

OK, so that's my vague lecture for the day! :)

Good to be back! :)

Progress

2007-02-19T20:45:00.000-05:00

OK, so this weekend did not go as planned. However, I did do a bunch of practicing today (Monday). I really cannot believe I had enough patience back when I was teenager learning these things, I tell ya.

So, here is my revised repertoire list:
- Mozart's A minor sonata, K. 310-- 1st movement so far
- Beethoven's 3rd movement of the "Tempest"
- Elegie by Rachmaninoff

I am still deciding on the Bach. I'm not sure I quite understand what's going on in that and I'd like to have some type of path before I jump right into it. I am also thinking about doing Chopin's Nocturne-- it's the first one... B-flat minor, I believe. Absolutely gorgeous. If I can do the one in D-flat major, I know that I can do anything.

So I practiced for a day and was able to work, hands together very slowly, up to the end of the second page of botht he Mozart and Beethoven. I really like the way they are turning out. If I am more consisten throughout the week, I think I can move on this rather nicely.

Stay tuned...

Pieces that I am working on now

2007-02-17T00:17:00.000-05:00

Well, after coming to the conclusion that I need to know my scales and arpeggios, I then know that I need to learn a few pieces to get a few things under my belt.
So...

Bach-- Prelude and Fugue Number 4 from the Well Tempered Clavier
Mozart-- two sonatas--- the first one for mostly practice/warm up, the usual Sonata in C major K. 545; The other sonata is K. 310
Beethoven-- two sonatas as well-- the really easy one in G major (I think Opus 14); the other one would be Sonata Opus 30 No. 2, the third movement (it's gorgeous, but long and difficult)
Rachmoninoff-- Elegie Opus 3 No. 1-- I heard it only once and knew that it was totally made for me.
Brahms-- Intermezzo #6

I think I have my hands full with all of this stuff so far.

I think the goal is that by next month, I would like to be able to slowly practice the sonatas hands separately for the first 2 pages each.

Practice from two days ago went fine, I just have to get back into the groove of practicing and "starting over". I'll also try not to spend TOO much times on scales and everything. I need to have a goal for everyday rather than trying to do EVERYTHING in just ONE day.

I did not practice Thurs or Friday. Saturday, tho, I plan to practice for around 1.5 to 2 hours. I will focus on three things-- the Bach prelude, the Mozart sonata (first movement of K. 310) and then the Rachmaninoff Elegie. Or whatever variation, but I won't do EVERYTHING. That's what will kill me. Besides, it's a 3 day weekend-- I can get away with doing 2 hours a day-- split it up or do more than I want.

Will report soon.

Guess Who's Back?

2007-02-12T21:31:00.000-05:00

Well, gang, I'm back. No need to worry. Just been finishing up degrees and such.

Well, I'll cut right to the chase. I've gotten back into my piano practicing phase. I'm trying to take it slow so I won't get overwhelmed or disappointed too soon. So, I started back up around Saturday. I spent an hour going over scales, arpeggios (I've always been so scared of those), and going around the circle of fifths as much as I possibly can.
I have my heart set on learning a few things-- the third movement of Beethoven's "Tempest" Sonata. BEAUTIFUL, but quite different from what I would usually do.
While that's pretty hard, I'm working on a few easy sonatas by Mozart and Beethoven and just deciding what few other pieces I can just go for (Chopin, possibly some Bach).
Keep you all posted!

Beautiful

2006-11-03T23:58:00.000-05:00

Ok, when there is a beautiful woman out there, I'm not afraid to admit it. Especially when I think that she's representing the Dark and Lovlies of the world. This woman is gorgeous. I'm really really jealous.. I'm just glad that she ain't nowhere near my man! :)

Who's that, you ask? Ms. Kenisha Thom.. Miss Trinadad and Tobago in the Miss Universe competition:

Yeah, some airbrushing here and some photoshop there may have made it complete--- but I really don't that's the case with her-- there's a lot to work with.

Go on, girl! :)

Amos Lee

2006-10-26T14:11:00.000-04:00

I think I wrote about him in an earlier post (like last year or so), but I recently went to one of his live performances (by myself, no less) at the 9:30 Club. It was WONDERFUL! He's a mixture of folk, blues, funk, country, etc-- but the concert seemed to be more of the country type which I accepted b/c he has a great voice. He has this certain type of kid-like vulnerability to him and you could tell that while he really enjoys what he does, he's sort of shy and just wants to play music. I actually shook his hand! And I got his autograph! LOL

I have to say that the next time he's in DC, I will definitely go and see and drag as many people as I can to go with me. He's one of those down-low, Starbucks-y type of folks that you hear about but they aren't in the spotlight like Beyonce and the gang. In any case, check out his CDs... I really really like his first one-- it really depends on your taste, but has a great soulful voice no matter what he sings...

:)

A New Trend?

2006-10-14T23:30:00.000-04:00

I meant to post this up about a month ago... but I went to a club with a bunch of folks because a good friend of mine was in town for the holiday. So, we went to this club "Play". I thought it was OK, I probably won't go back there because of the experience I had, but that's another story.

In any case, at least 3 times, there were instances where Black men made it a point to make sure that me and two other Black women I was with knew for sure that they, the Black men, were dancing with and were more attracted to white women. If you are, that's fine. But there was an obvious tone of maliciousness in this.

News flash, guys. While some Black women still get a bit upset about seeing interracial couples (Black guy, white girl), the height of that controversy is so 5 years ago. It's over. Everyone, love and be loved. Enough already! There's a plethora of things to incite fury in folks for (you know... genocide in Darfur, world hunger, nuclear rockets in North Korea... you know?)

There's nothing wrong with interracial dating. Hell, I'm doing it myself. But the thing is that if someone has a problem with it, it's because they just generally do, not because I inflamed them by saying "Hey, look at this WHITE GUY I'm with. He's so WHITE. Look. He's WHITE!" This is essentially how we were treated at the club.

I don't know. Maybe it was just that night? Or maybe it was just that group of guys? Or maybe it was just that club... which partially why I'm probably not going back there. I've been out of the social scene lately so it could just very well be a new trend. If so, let me know, guys so I can write down some retorts or just ignore it altogether.

Idiots

2006-10-11T23:19:00.000-04:00

(Note: I am toning this post down--- apparently when I wrote this, I was in the "could-catch-the-disease" mode and timeframe and was highly upset. I think I am out of the clear now, but I think the point still stands....)

Ok... I'm sure you all can relate to, so you can't say I'm overreacting...

BUT WHY DO SICK PEOPLE COME TO WORK?

I can understand if you have the sniffles and you can manage your cold.. or if you've been out for a few days b/c of the cold and you're just coughing, but it's just the "after effects" cough-- you're not contagious...

But for those outside of these categories, you're out of your mind.

A coworker just came into work and pretty much said that she had ringworm. (!!!)

Dude, what the heck?

I'm sorry, I may be a germ-freak, but I really don't like to be sick, folks. I like to be healthy. I'm going crazy with these allergies I'm going through now. I don't like the flu, I don't like having a sore throat and I definitely don't like having anything on my skin itching and people avoiding me like the plague!

And neither do any of you, so I'm sure you guys can sympathize.

And it's not even a matter of whether you have sick leave or not. If your child has the stupid pink eye or ringworm, chances are, the parent's gonna get it too. TAKE THE LEAVE TO DEAL WITH THE MESS OFF THE BAT. And even if you don't have kids--- just take the leave!!! That's what it's there for!!!

ARRRGH.

I'm just saying...

Major Metro Pet Peeves

2006-10-10T22:06:00.000-04:00

Gang, I'm a native Washingtonian, which means I've been taking the subway and the bus to school, work, the movies, college, to visit family, the whole nine for at least ten years. I stopped keeping track after I graduated from high school.

But I've come to the conclusion-- some things just NEVER change... I have listed the things that won't ever get through folks' skulls....

1. STAND TO THE RIGHT, WALK TO THE LEFT. You'd think that the whole WORLD would know that by now, but apparently not.

2. If you have a rolly thing with you, that's cool. But if you're going up or down the escalator, make sure it is in front of you or behind you, NOT beside you, hence BLOCKING THE LEFT-SIDE WALKING TRAFFIC!!!!

3. And when you make to the top or bottom of the escalator with your rolly thing, and it was either behind or in front of you, DO NOT pull it next to you, blocking the hopeful traffic. (In addition, don't smile at me when you do it, as if you totally forgot the rules... just move the damned rolly thing!)

4. You've been waiting for the bus for 20 minutes. You've had PLENTY of time to ask folks around you how much the fare is (It's even posted on the busstop post!)... so don't go hunting for change at the last moment when you've been waiting there forever, HOLDING UP the entire line of people trying to get to work on time.

5. When the train comes to a full stop, do not stand in front of the door when you see a bunch of people getting ready to come out of the train. STAND TO THE SIDE OF THE DOOR, let the people out and then YOU go in. Gosh!

6. Maybe it's a personal space thing but... if you're on a relatively empty bus or train, DO NOT sit next to me when you have soooo much space to sit unless, of course, you're handicapped in some way and it's the closest seat to the door (no problem there).

7. If you have a cold, the flu, allergies, whatever, do not put your snot rag on the pole. If possible, sit as far away from the major populace as you can. You're gonna give them eebie jeebies...

8. If you're running for the train, don't stick your crap in the door. You're going to hold up the whole schedule, messing up everyone's transfers and connections. You can even make the train malfunction (it has happened and it pissed me off!)

9. If you are on the cellphone, keep it short. I do not need to know about how Tommy completely ignored you or how Susan is so hot.

10. And if someone does call you while you're on the bus or subway, do us all a favor and shut that annoying "Hollaback Girl" cellphone ring off and answer it. But keep it short.

11. If you're at a major transfering point for the trains (i.e. Metro Center, Gallery Place/Chinatown), do not stand in the middle of the traffic, you BIG IDIOT! Move to the dang side! When you get off the train and you know there's a huuuuge bunch of people ready to make their transfer, don't mosey your way in their direction, even if you aren't in a rush to make the same train everyone else is. You're being rude. Move to the furthest right side of the traffic and go your pace, but do NOT walk slowly in the middle and ZIG ZAG just enough so the folks behind you can't get by. You're definitely asking for a beatdown.

12. Gents: If there is an elderly woman or a pregnant woman that gets on the bus or subway, give your seat up to her. If I'm sitting at the back of the bus and either woman (or elderly man) makes his or her way to the back, someone's butt is getting kicked.

13. Please keep your food consumption to a very small minimum... I can understand a cup of Starbucks coffee in the morning, but I can't understand a whole bagel with cream cheese... esp when it's ridiculously crowded. Come on.

14. When you have luggage, like big luggage, and you're going to Union Station or Regan or whatever, don't block the aisle with it... yes, we understand that you insist on taking your big ole bag on the bus or subway, but still be mindful. And when you get off of the subway, don't act all lost, with your bag 4 feet behind you, blocking SOOOO much walking traffic. I CAN'T STAND THIS!

15. Don't try to help me with the day's Crossword puzzle in The Express. Even glancing over too long is rude.

More to come, I'm sure....

A (not so) quick rant

2006-08-12T15:37:00.000-04:00

OK, I've noticed that there have been variations upon a theme led by a sect of folks that seems to catch fire every now and then. Does this sound familiar?
"If you put X store in place, it takes out the mom and pop shops of blah blah blah."

This argument has been used against Walmart, Target, Starbucks and a few others. The more recent one is the one against books, specifically against Oprah's bookclub.

All I have to say is that Oprah rocks. If you have any problems with that statement, we can talk about this face to face and I assure you, I'll win.

In any case, this argument was that Oprah's book club over the past several years have made certain books placed on the catapult of book-ness and has been sold throughout, where else, the Walmarts and Targets of America. You have a mother of 3 toddlers thumbing through these books at these stores and going for the "flashy"-looking covers which has "Oprah's bookclub selection" plastered all over it. Basically, the fact that these books, such as Grapes of Wrath or Anna Karenina or The Bluest Eye, are greatly publicized overshadows the books authored by up and coming writers in independent book stores (i.e. mom and pop-equivalent book stores and mom and pop-like authors). Therefore, there is something wrong with this book club and others like it.

FIRST OF ALL, who are you to determine who's qualified to read such material? My thing is that those who make this argument against Oprah's club or things like it is that such books by Tolstoy, Fitzgerald, etc believe that these books are only reserved for Ivory Tower, uber-educated, latte-drinking individuals, b/c only THEY can REALLY understand what these authors are saying. F*** YOU. (sorry, I've been reading CoffeeLady's blog a lot!) Because a woman who is a single mother with three kids does not make her any less smarter than a Harvard-educated guy sitting Starbucks reading the New York Times online. So, let's stop all of this.

SECOND OF ALL, what's wrong with getting America reading? Folks can argue that there's a commercialization of only certain books (well, that IS the argument), but the whole thing is that b/f these bookclubs, Joyce, Tolstoy, Hurston, etc have all been somehow made inaccessible to the average American and made folks believe that you had to go to college in order to understand, let alone READ, these books. Now, taht's not the case. That's the beauty of Oprah. Yes, she's a billionaire. Yes, she's very smart. But she's also reachable and very down to earth to the point to where she gives us a form of belief that we too can do stuff.
And the people who are making the argument against the commercialization of 'great books' are the same ones that would complain that the average American is so dumb and they don't read enough and "why isn't anything done to improve this??" Which one is it?

ALSO, who cares about the up and coming authors? If your book is good, it will be read. If it sucks, it will not be read. If it succeeds and many people agree that it's good, it will be sold throughout the country. It will be recognized by other literary critiques out there. Also, if you're an up and coming author, hopefully your agent will have done his or her job of hustling some forms of exposure to different audiences and the like for your book. So, Walmart and Oprah's bookclub aren't the enemy-- that author's own writing could just downright suck, explaining lack of exposure.

So, that's it for my rant this time. I'm just getting tired of people thinking that b/c they know some information or because they're able to quote certain things from Wuthering Heights, they are better than other folks and there's no way that the average person can understand certain literature. This has got to stop. I don't know who this group is defined as-- I heard that they were really stupid liberals or pretty pretentious Republicans... I don't know but they need to get their act together.

test

2006-08-11T22:07:00.000-04:00

You are a Career Girl!

You may not be a CEO yet, but you're well on your way to success.You take your career seriously, and you wouldn't stop working for any guy!An independent woman, you pay for your own car, clothes, and housing.And men appreciate that - at least, the ones as driven as you are.

What Kind of Girl Are You?

Why Kneepains is Awesome

2006-08-10T20:50:00.000-04:00

I've developed a list of why Ms. Kneepains is one of the coolest people around....

1. She's an out-doorsy girl not afraid to get her hands dirty...
2. She climbed Mt. Whitney out in California... with a sprained ankle... and with 60 pounds worth of crap in her backpack
3. She defends feline rights against nasty coworkers
4. She is often concerned about Ricky
5. She is currently making sure Ricky is healthy while I'm cruising across the country... and was willing to yell at the Ace Hardware guys about messing up the spare keys to the apt so she could, in fact, check in on Ricky.
6. She's too fun to work with... we have great coffee breaks...
7. She knows how to tell it like it is
8. She also isn't afraid to "step on toes" of folks trying to BS other folks
9. And, of course, although she's 5'10, she is not afriad of wearing high-heeled boots (of course, when she doesn't have a sprained ankle)
10. She inspires me to work out instead of eating up a bunch of chocolate cake...

Rock on, chica! :)

Shake what yo mama gave you

2006-07-29T01:29:00.000-04:00

First of all, I will definitely admit, I've been watching WAAAAAY too much of VH-1 Soul and MTV Hits (which are nothing-but-music-video channels) and I have seen A LOT OF Beyonce moving and shaking over the past 4 hours that I have been vegging in front of the TV (but, on the good side, I saw some good old videos from Brownstone, SWV, Mint Condition, etc). I don't see myself having this time like this for a while so, why not?

Anyhoo, I know I've had a previous post about my rant about how Alicia Keys is better than Beyonce; but I have to say, B knows how to shake what her mama gave her (and you see that her mom's gotta a lot to shake too)... in any case, a friend sent me a You Tube link of all of her just a shaking shaking shaking... it's like a montage/collage/whatever of all of her performances of "Crazy In Love" (which I really like b/c of the go-go beat)... As my friend Jam stated, I was completely transfixed.... I didn't know it was possible... Hey, if you've got it, flaunt it...

Check it out for yourself... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sOAzSiEbzpk

Suffice it to say, I stand corrected... Beyonce is definitely talented... in shaking her thang. And she's smart (or someone else is) in knowing that she does that very well.

Anthony Hamilton

2006-07-29T00:43:00.000-04:00

Mr. Hamilton has this song that's out, "Can't Let Go" that I LOVE. It's so beautiful. Especially the part when he say that when there is a love that was sent from God (or something thereof)... you can't really argue with a man who believes this so strongly. I love this song...

Why must they try to tear down my house when they know it's made from love
And they could never stand in my way
We made a vow to love through it all
We are one
And no one has the right to tear my love down

No matter what the people say, I'm gonna love you anyway
You are my life,
I can't let go
Even if we fuss or fight, try til we get it right
You are my life, I can't let go
Even if we disagree, you can put it all on me
You are my life, I can't let go
I can't, I can't let you go

How dare they say
That a love like ours wont last?
God made no mistakes
When He sheltered me with your heart
There's no safer place than to be in love
And here I will stand
And there ain't never
Ain't gonna never ever leave you alone

No matter what the people say I'm gonna love you anyway
You are my life, I can't let go
Even if we fuss or fight, try til we get it right
You are my life, I can't let go
Even if we disagree, you can put it all on me
You are my life, I can't let go
I can't, I can't let you go

All that I know now is to give you all of me
And no matter how long I take
And every part of me belongs to your love
Help me, help me

No matter what the people say, I'm gonn
gonna love you anyway
You are my life, I can't let go
Even if we fuss or fight, try til we get it right
You are my life, I can't let go
Even if we disagree, you can put it all on me
You are my life, I can't let goI can't, I can't let you go

Things to Do

2006-07-29T00:16:00.000-04:00

I was just thinking about a lot ofclothes, books and other random things and just came up with the list of things I must do or wear before I turn 30.. b/c, you know, it's around 30 when the rugrats start coming and you actually have to start acting like an adult. (I'm figuring out something-- just b/c you're over 21 years old, you're not really THAT much older... you still have some time to live it up... you're just a tax and bill paying kid...)

Anywhere, here goes the list. Yes, it may seem random, but I encourage you all to do it (make the list, not do what I'm gonna do, unless you wanna)...

1. Wear a pair of hotpants-- stipulations... I have to wear it in public and be confident... and, of course, have the toned thighs to go with it... as I train for the marathon, I'm sure I'll achieve that sooner than expected!!!
2. Wear a pair of leather pants... same stipulations for hotpants apply
3. Wear a bikini, string preferably... same stipulations for # 1 and 2 apply
4. Leopard print sheer shirt with appropriate under wear
5. Travel to Uzbekistan or somewhere in Central Asia
6. Go to China
7. Travel cross country (USA)
8. Seriously research being a hip hop dancer. I'm sorry, if you have 40 year olds dropping it like its hot (in hot pants) and looking good, I don't think I'm too old to do said research
9. Spend a whole day sleeping (12 hours minimum)
10. Shop for shoes guilt-free... all day long
11. Go to a Michael Jackson concert (which could very well be in China)
12. Take belly dancing classes
13. Hunt down singer Maxwell and ask him to sign something of mine
14. Take the time to find out where Condi Rice will be working and apply for a job there.
15. Write my own themesong (piano)
16. Find my inner beauty
17. Ponder the meaning of life
18. Understand how the heck supermodels get their makeup looking so flawless
19. Write a book about my family lineage
20. Rock the 'fro at work

More to come...

Facebook/MySpace Effect

2006-07-17T22:46:00.000-04:00

Ok, I've been noticing quite a bit of things about these new things: Facebook and My Space. Not only is it a great way to meet up with long lost high school and college colleagues, it's a way to get your face out there to the whole world, gosh darn it. Basically, your most beautiful and glamorous shots.

I'm not hating AT ALL. I actually welcome it. FINALLY, gone are the days when the only person who could grace any form of a screen was 5'9, 100 pounds, blonde and blue eyes. Gosh darn it, I like it when I see women (and definitely men!) of varying shades, hair colors and lengths and of varying body shapes and heights just posing, working it harder than a part-time job. GO ON WITH YOUR BAD SELVES!!!!

Of course with revolutions, there needs to be SOME rules. I mean, come on folks. You do NOT need to be showing your thongs or be overly dramatic in an effort to "show your best side". Just stand there and take the daggone picture and put on some clothes. Just be tasteful. Kids could be looking. Even worse, your future employers could be looking. Not a good thing.

So, for the most part, go for it, strike a pose and give it your best shot. But, also, when in doubt, err on the side of caution when posting particular photos. Just saying....

Work tomorrow

2006-07-17T21:06:00.000-04:00

If I told you that I wanted to go to work tomorrow, I'd be lying to you.

Jeez. That's what happens when you take vacations... you realize that there's a life outside of your job. And that life is REALLY NICE! :)

But then again, you have to WORK in order to go on whatever vacations there may be. You know, earned income and things like that.

Oh, well. I guess I have my friends at work to look forward to. If it weren't for them....

The Tradition Continues

2006-07-17T10:38:00.000-04:00

So, I spent the past weekend helping my aunt pack up for my little cousins (well, they're not THAT little anymore... the 12 year old is only 2 inches shorter than I am!!!)... they were on their way to a 3 week academic summer program at Vassar College. Soooo sweet... So, we drove two hours from Long Island up to Pougkeepsie, stood in line for 45 minutes for registration and spent an hour and a half unloading the car, unpacking the stuff and hanging up stuff and organizing stuff for two boys who were mostly concerned about Pokemon.
I had a blast!!!!!
It's really a tradition that I vowed to keep a live; back in the 70s, my aunt went to Rensselear Polytechnic Institute for a summer program for three or four weeks-- her oldest sister drove her up there; the summer before my senior year in high school, my aunt and uncle (and the two boys when they were 1 and 3 years old), drove me and helped me get to Cornell for a six week program there (which was AWESOME!), and now it's the boys' turn. I'm sure they'll be doing it way more often. And then comes college, etc. Wow, it's going to be a lot of fun (well, not the unloading and unpacking part).

I really REALLY missed college when I sat down at my cousin's desk in his dorm room. It's something about college that was pretty safe--- you knew EXACTLY what was expected of you and you also had very set goals-- the main one being to graduate. Very different in the real world... I begged my cousins to not want to grow up too fast to be adults. Yes, you can eat pizza all day long, every day. But, really, you can't b/c your metabolism can't take it. Yes, you can go anywhere you want, but you need to have a job in order to do that. The list goes on and on.

Other life lessons later!!! :)

There goes my diet!

2006-06-25T16:24:00.000-04:00

OMG...

Gang, a few of us went to the Cheesecake Factory last night (after a WONDERFUL dinner at Ray's the Steaks in Arlington, VA... mouth watering... the steak was FANTASTIC!).... so, Bachboy and I decided to share two different slices of cheesecake... He asked me to chose so I chose my usual favorite: original with strawberries... and I chose the white chocolate caramel latte cheesecake.

OH MY GOOOOOODNESS.....

The poor strawberry one was sort of lonely... but the white chocolate whatever whatever was ABSOLUTELY DELICIOUS... we nearly fought over how much the other could eat of the slice. I really REALLY wish I just chose two slices of it so we could just eat our own b/c sharing just one slice was NOT enough!

Check it out, gang.... SOOOOOOO good! :)

Rant of the summer

2006-05-30T13:48:00.000-04:00

Whew.. Black Women and our Hair!
Or maybe I should speak for myself, but I'm sure there are a whole lot of Black women who would just say a quick "Amen" on her way to the beauty salon--

It's that time of year again, folks--- summer: ah the flowers, the butterflies and, yes, the bees. You can go to the beach, you can ride your bike around, you can find refuge in a cool movie theater and then you have those lovely summer nights... but for a Black woman, there is one other thing that's on her mind: her hair...

It may not seem like a big deal to other people, but it is a big deal to us. Beach, you say??? Ok, I'll go, but I ain't getting in that water. Why not, you ask? I don't want to get my hair wet!!! What's wrong with getting your hair wet, you may ask? It cost freaking $65 dollars to get it straightened and my next appointment isn't for another 2 weeks. You are not forcing me to get into that water and if you do by "playfully" pushing me in, I'm taking you to Judge Judy for you to pay for my emergency hair salon visit and that is FINAL.

Summer: The humidity is RIDICULOUS, the sweaty palms of folks wanting to touch your hair is THREATENING and the shower-- well, no mind that... I have my two handclothes and shower cap to protect it from any potential water that may try to creep through a unknown hole through the shower cap. Then there is the summer "fun"-- swimming, beach going, everything involves some form of moisture or water. And you better be out of my way when it starts to rain-- rain mixed with humidity--- GOODNESS GRACIOUS OF LIFE. I'm not leaving my house AT ALL.

It's craziness. The whole thing stems from wanting to maintain a professional look at the least amount of damage to one's hair... which is nearly impossible. My hair is natural, but I get it "hot-combed" every 2 weeks-- folks, that's a lot of heat applied to one's hair every other week. But, it needs to be done this way because there is no way in the world that I can walk in my job, be taken seriously, with an Afro. A huge one at that. And, on top of that, it is way too hot to want to wear an Afro anyway... I don't want to put a relaxer in my hair b/c I'm left with the same issues of moisture AND there is the issue of chemicals in my hair which is ultra damaging...

On top of all of this, when I exercise, I sweat in my head. So all of the pain that went into straightening the roots of my hair sort of goes kaput after two days of strenuous exercising. And I really want to train for a marathon that's coming up in a few months, so I can't NOT exercise. What's a Black woman to do?
A big no to chemicals!! But how about if I....
Get braids? This may be a natural way to go given the texture, length and "naturalness" of my hair. But it has to be nice-- no Brandy-braids allowed. I opt for the Beyonce braids-- pre-solo album when there were 4 members in Destiny's Child without the blonde streaks. (sorry, blond streaks mixed wtih jet black hair against mahogany skin isn't a good look).
Get a weave? I've never done this, but it gives one the ability to have the straight hair look, while preserving the natural hair. You can treat it like your own, etc. The downside is that the pulling and sewing of the natural hair can eventually break it off if one is not careful.
Get Extensions? I've obviously not with it b/c I'm thinking that this is the same thing as braids or what not....
Go natural with the 'fro? Probably not a good idea given the very "professional" place I am in... there's only one guy who's getting away with it, but he's an IT guy getting paid for his brains-- and they have him locked away in a basement (such a nice kid, though!) Don't think I want to go to my next interview looking like that.
Cut it off altogether or cut it short like Halle Berry's? First of all, I am not Halle Berry-- I am not paid a gajillion dollars per year. If I were paid that much, I'd wear the fro and this blog would be a moot point. And a short hair cut is not flattering for my face. And even if I did cut it short, it'd still be a 'fro, just smaller, but still revolutionary-like. The upside is that it is very low maintainence and it would cost basically nothing; would just need to pay for shampoo, conditioner and some hair grease. The downside is that I like my hair long. (And for those who want to read into my "I like my hair long" statement, I am not brainwashed to believe that I have "good hair" or trying to offset my dark skin with long hair-- I just like longer hair! So there!)

It's SO hard to choose b/c you want to still be professional, not bring TOO much notice to your hair, not fulfill stupid stereotypes by walking up in places with unbelievably fake hair but you also want to be fit and trim. I just read an article that stated that a lot of Black women were overweight because they don't exercise enough... but the reason why they don't exercise enough is that they don't want to ruin their fresh do's. Fortunately, I'm not overweight or anything, but I can understand where they are coming from. I'm just trying to find a way to look good and professional and exercise (more than normal) during this DING DANG WASHINGTON, DC HEAT, GOSH DARN IT!!!!

Wish me luck-- and if you have any suggestions, please send them my way. I'm thinking of cute twists, but I don't know yet!!!

The New MJs

2006-05-25T23:55:00.000-04:00

I've been watching ALOT OF music videos in the past few days and all I have to say is that there are a lot of folks out there trying to be Michael Jackson with their dancing, etc...

First it all started out with Usher with all of his videos..

Now there's Ne-Yo with "When you're mad"....

And then there's Chris Brown's "Get At That" or something like that... That was a CLEAR copy off of Michael Jackson's Smooth Criminal...

I mean, on behalf of MJ, I am definitely flattered (teehee)--- but I hope there aren't any 15-20 year olds who think this stuff is original....

But more power to these kids for continuing the tradition!

Things I've Accomplished So Far

2006-04-25T22:46:00.000-04:00

Taking cue from Ms. Kneepains, I think I'll come up with a list of things that I've done this year that I thought I wouldn't do, but did:

1. Go to the Middle East
2. Make a meal for two three times in a row-- in one week!
3. Tell off a telemarketer
4. Lie to a telemarketer
5. File taxes the day before they were due (I'm usually 3 months ahead!)
6. Hating Mondays-- consistently
7. Whining about Mondays (gosh, I never whine!)
8. Feel like I was 12 again
9. Dance in my living room to jazz
10. Say "I love you" at least 20 times in one sitting
11. Marathon phone convo with auntie for 4 hours straight (no bathroom breaks or nothing)
12. Sit through an amusing 3 hour dinner with my grandparents and a guest where grandma explains how "white people know how to eat cheese" (LOLOLOLOL)
13. Smile and say hello to my "ex"
14. Run on the treadmill longer than 20 minutes
15. Take an aerobics class at the local gym
16. Regret some decisions from the previous year
17. Did something for someone I love with no hesitation whatsoever (100x's over)
18. Made a decision about work...
19. And then reneged...
20. And then fretted...
21. And then realized it was all good...
22. Bought music carelessly...
23. And can't regret that!
24. Lit candles
25. Ate brussel sprouts (now I know why kids hate them!)
26. Tell a good friend the truth about someone he loves.
27. Vote for someone on American Idol...
28. A bunch of times...
29. Based on actual talent!
30. Do a 30 minute presentation and Q&A in front of a bunch people who knew their stuff.
31. Go longer than 2 weeks without touching the piano
32. Coming very close to stopping everything and finding a way to tour with Alicia Keys and play piano for her (Yes, I'm crazy!)
33. Procrastinating horribly
34. Really liking the fact that I have a cat :)
35. Watching more TV than ever
36. Dreading the summer
37. Having horrible flashbacks about bad experiences at work (can you say: Briefing Team?)
38. Watching fencing matches...
39. Nine hours straight...
40. And finding it absolutely fascinating...
41. And even giving advice as to what a particular fencer should do, like I was some expert! (teehee!)

I'll let you know if there are anymore!

So, what's REALLY important to you in life????

2006-04-25T22:36:00.000-04:00

Wow, it's getting to that crossroad where I have to really, really appreciate the question "So, what's REALLY important?"--- I thought I didn't have to face this until I was at least 35. However, it's come upon me 10 years earlier than planned. So much for my Type-A trait of planning things.

The issue of my personal life is becoming a huge one--- what's really important and where am I really willing to put in the time? I have to admit, some relationships with some folks sort of slid off the radar. Not because I wanted them to, but because I was too lazy or too busy. Then I realized that none of us are getting any younger AT ALL. I saw my cousin the other day and he's as tall as I am and he's basically half my age. I thought that day would never come and his growing up and almost being a teenager really got me to thinking-- do I really want to be a big baby forever?

No.

But with that come prioritizing your time, efforts and abilities. And feelings and energy. Getting along with some people takes ALOT of time and energy and can hurt your feelings. That's when you have to start realizing or thinking --- is that person really worth it or not? If so, for whatever reason, you have to go with the flow, set your boundaries, continue to love and enjoy every moment with them. If not, you've gotta do what you've gotta do.

Gone are the days when I was 6 years old and everyone in my whole class was my friend or when I didnt have to do that much communicating wtih the family--- it's all on me now.

Good times, folks. Good times.

Yeah... About that...

2006-04-18T22:18:00.000-04:00

Yeah... that paper... about Iraq WMD? Yeah, that has to be done in a week. 15 pages. Ready.... set... go!!!!! Wish me luck on this, folks.

As far as what I've been up to: All I have to say is that these past few weeks have been VERY VERY busy, stressful, emotional, relieving, scary, agonizing, yearning, wishful, proud, revelation-like, and hopeful. I, like everyone else and their moms, want there to be happy endings, great solutions, and lights at the end of short tunnels. However, my plan-making, list-making and analytical oriented mind sometimes can't take the fact that the future is just unknown and you have to take it day by day. While it's not necessarily a good thing, it really isn't a bad thing-- I mean, we have control over our day to day activities, right? At least we can make those days as meaningful and intentional as we possibly can, right?

Well, at least the weather's gorgeous. There's always a silver lining to a cloud, folks. Remember that. :)

Another reason why today is a good day...

2006-04-08T16:00:00.000-04:00

I found my "Diary of Alicia Keys" CD and my Stevie Wonder "Hotter than July" CD. It's a wonder what cleaning up your apartment can do! :)

Save me some money, baby!

2006-04-08T15:54:00.000-04:00

Well, while going through my mail (which has piled sky high for the past two weeks), I have realized that I had some type of tax thingy from my school. Well, apparently, I haven't filed taxes yet, and that's a very good thing. The reason is because I saw that even though I have loans, I can use that to get some type of credit. I am SO happy! It gained me some money, yo. I am soooo happy. Let's hope that all of my research is correct and I do have my sources to back me up.

In any case, even though this has been a very crappy day (weather-wise), I am having a ball! :)

I'd better go through my mail more often! :)

Wow...

2006-03-31T19:00:00.000-05:00

All I have to say for today is: Life can really throw some fast ones at you. You never know what hit you until you're faced with real-life situations. Like, grown up people situations.

I'm thrilled and exhilarated.... but also, I have to take a few deep breaths. I can't believe it.

A Form of Betrayal....

2006-03-17T21:43:00.000-05:00

OK, gang... I am one of the biggest fans of Michael Jackson. (Yes, I said it, damn it. Get over it!) However, I was led to believe that if you were an MJ fan, then you could not, under any circumstances, be a Prince fan. And DEFINITELY vice versa (b/c in a way, MJ is way better... MJ changed music history with just his 8 albums while Prince has 25 albums out and has yet to be added to all of the Hall of Fames that exist).

IN ANY CASE, I have to say that I REALLY like several of Prince's songs... I'm sorry, he's VERY talented. And, I truly apologize, but I LOVE that song "Kiss".... I had to buy one of the million "Best of Prince" albums the other day and just got around to listening to it. OMG, that song is just SO great.... you can prance around acting like you're the cutest cutie in the world or you can work out to it... it's great!!!

And that new song that he has out, "Black Sweat" is REALLY good... man, Prince is still really good at like 40-something years old....

Check it out...

Life is Good!

2006-03-15T20:04:00.000-05:00

So I just saw that American Idol results come on at 9pm.... And America's Next Top Model is on at 8pm on Wednesdays!!!!! I love life!!!

I have not seen an episode yet for this whole season.. I just have to say... a few of the girls are not that cute.... but they are doing the makeovers this episode so that opinion may change!!!!

YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Happiness...

2005-11-05T01:24:00.000-05:00

I think it is really odd how someone can make you feel extremely happy, even when they aren't there. The simple words "I love you" actually mean A LOT. The act of loving is wonderful. Knowing that someone is thinking of you and loves you means so much.

Life is so short.

I remember a story my grandmother was telling me and two of my cousins about 10 years ago:

Grandma: Well, grandbabies, I know that you all are entering that age when you want boyfriends. You are now forming in your minds what he will or should look like. But listen to your Grandma. You may want him to be really tall, with a really deep voice and with perfect teeth. You may think he will be Black. But I'mma tell ya... God always have someone in store for you. Now, brace yourself. He may be short, fat, extremely dark skin (remember, this is Grandma talking!), with glasses and a squeaky voice. But if he loves you the way he is supposed to love you and if that is who God has in store for you, he will be perfect for you and he will love you the way you really want and need to be loved.

Grandpa: Why he gotta be short and fat though, Mae?

Grandma: Well, you don't know what God has in store for you!

Grandpa: Well, someone up there in heaven must not like you if he looks like that!

(teehee... Grandpa's antagonzing comment is just too perfect to leave out!)

But Grandma's point is well taken.

When there's someone for you, he or she is for you. You'll know it.

Misuse of the Word "Dork"

2005-11-05T01:17:00.000-05:00

Ok, gang, I've been hearing people say this over and over (and even I have said it): "Well, I like such and such--- yeah, I'm a dork." It's as if it's a way to hide behind something that really like, but are afraid that other people will not approve of... so you beat them to the punch by calling yourself a dork.

First of all, the "dork" word isn't even being used properly. "Dork" really means someone who is stupid or inept. So, if you like Star Wars, then that doesn't mean that you are inept at anything. Now a person who falls into a hole in a ground after being warned time and time again, then yes, he is a "dork" by definition.

Basically, I think we are all waaaay under too much pressure to like things mainstream-- or we are hardpressed to find something that's not mainstream in order to appear interesting and non-conformist (when in fact, you are conforming to some extent). My advice: If you like something that's not harming anyone physically or emotionally and it brings you joy-- i.e. the Lord of the Rings-- then enjoy!!! And make no apologies... and, goodness gracious, don't call yourself a dork.

Religion

2005-10-09T01:48:00.000-04:00

Yeah, a lot of what I"m writing is so random lately. The latest thing I"ve been doing to keep myself awake during nights is to look up the differences between the different Christian denominations. VERY interesting.

Ultimately, I consider myself a Christian-- I believe in Jesus Christ; overall, I believe in a divine being that is responsibile for all of us being here.

After reading all of this, I'm clearly convinced that God wants us to believe in him; he wants us to acknowledge Him and all of His greatness. This earth is actually really beautiful if you think about it. I think He created all of us and it was no accident that all of us think very differently from each other, thereby leading us all to choose different ways to believe in Him. What I think is that He wouldn't approve of such violence that ensues from those who think that it's OK to kill creations of God in order to coerce others to believe whatever they believe.

I think it's definitely beautiful to share interpretations-- it becomes a bit hampering when it bars us from interacting on a regular basis or bonding on things that makes us the same.

Well, maybe I'm too in the middle of the road for some of you when it comes to this. But I"m up for individual choices. What are you going to do?

Yo, This music is speaking to me

2005-10-08T21:55:00.000-04:00

OK, I mean, I usually listen to whatever here and there because it's either on the radio or it's extremely catchy. I went on a road trip with some dear friends today and three times, the radio played Kanye West's "Gold Digger". So, since I knew I had a 12 hour shift coming up, I made a quick bee-line to Pentagon City to buy four things: A Discman, Kanye West's 1st and 2nd CDs and batteries. And the one song that always caught me and made me wanna cry about the state of affairs.... "All Falls Down"... It just spoke to me and I can't stop listening to it... and I figured out why... it was written by Lauren Hill (and Kanye as well)... I know this is soooo last year, but it's so good:

[Chorus - 4x]Oh when it all, it all falls downI'm telling you ohh, it all falls down

[Verse - Kanye West]Man I promise, she's so self conscious
She has no idea what she's doing in college
That major that she majored in don't make no money
But she won't drop out, her parents will look at her funny
Now, tell me that ain't insecurrre
The concept of school seems so securrre
Sophmore three yearrrs aint picked a careerrr
She like fuck it, I'll just stay down herre and do hair
Cause that's enough money to buy her a few pairs of new Airs
Cause her baby daddy don't really care
She's so precious with the peer pressure
Couldn't afford a car so she named her daughter Alexus (a Lexus)
She had hair so long that it looked like weave
Then she cut it all off now she look like Eve
And she be dealing with some issues that you can't believe
Single black female addicted to retail and well
[Chorus - repeat 2x (w/ Kanye ad-libs)]
[Verse - Kanye West]
Man I promise, I'm so self conscious
That's why you always see me with at least one of my watches
Rollies and Pasha's done drove me crazy
I can't even pronounce nothing, pass that versace!
Then I spent 400 bucks on thisJust to be like nigga you ain't up on this!
And I can't even go to the grocery store
Without some ones thats clean and a shirt with a team
It seems we living the american dream
But the people highest up got the lowest self esteem
The prettiest people do the ugliest things
For the road to riches and diamond rings
We shine because they hate us, floss cause they degrade us
We trying to buy back our 40 acres
And for that paper, look how low we a'stoop
Even if you in a Benz, you still a nigga in a coop/coupe

[Chorus - repeat 2x (w/ Kanye ad-libs)]
[Verse - Kanye West]
I say fuck the police, thats how I treat em
We buy our way out of jail, but we can't buy freedom
We'll buy a lot of clothes when we don't really need em
Things we buy to cover up what's inside
Cause they make us hate ourself and love they wealth
That's why shortys hollering "where the ballas' at?"
Drug dealer buy Jordans, crackhead buy crack
And a white man get paid off of all of that
But I ain't even gon act holier than thou
Cause fuck it, I went to Jacob with 25 thou
Before I had a house and I'd do it again
Cause I wanna be on 106 and Park pushing a Benz
I wanna act ballerific like it's all terrific
I got a couple past due bills, I won't get specific
I got a problem with spending before I get it
We all self conscious I'm just the first to admit it[

Chorus - to fade (w/ Kanye ad-libs)]

You Don't Know My Name....

2005-10-06T15:42:00.000-04:00

.... and it's like ooooooooooooo.....

Ok, enough of my Alicia impression....

Well, I got to see the Cutie From Starbucks again (oh, he's so cute!). Well, now I do know his name. About a few weeks ago, I had the guts to actually go up to him and ask him his name. All I have to say that it matches the name that Alicia says when she's calling that guy in that very song.

So, I walk in today, and I knew I hadn't seen him in a long time. There he is, cute as ever, and

He says "Why, hello. It's so nice to see you again."
Me: Hi, there! Yeah, it's me again! Gotta have my coffee. (I turn off my iPod so I could actually hear what he was saying.)
Cutie: I haven't seen you in a while. I wish you could come in everyday, be the first one I serve, start my day off very nicely with your beautiful smile.
Me: Uh... (blushing and grinning)... why, thanks...
Cutie: And I do remember your name. I remember it being a name that does not fit your face. (I give him an expectant look, waiting for him to say something like Nancy). It's S, right?
Me: That's right. And you're M.
Cutie: Yes, that's right. I just knew that you're name was different from a lot of other names. It doesn't fit your smile.
Me: (blushing again)... thank you!
Cutie: What would your order be?
Me: Uh.... (so thrown off)... white chocolate mocha.
Cutie: Definitely, Miss S.
Me: (handing him money, giggling as I do so).
Cutie: Oh, I really like your hair, by the way. It looks really nice.
Me: (comepletely thrown off by the compliments in a 5 minute convo)-- Thank you so much.
Cutie: (hands me my change) Here you go. Have a great day and please come back to see us very soon. I'm looking forward to it.
Me: You can bet on it.

I stick around for a few hours (reading for class... this is your taxpayer's money at work here, folks). Then I "get thirsty again" and I buy water on my way out.
I go up to pay for the water.
Cutie: Water for you, S?
Me: (in a very airy, flirtatious voice) Yes, M. (I hand him money)
Cutie: (grinning) "Yes, M"... I really like how you said that. Here you go. (he hands me back my change) Have a great day!
Me: You too! Take care, M. I grin at him.

Gang, all I have to say that today was a lovely day! :)

Wedding Pictures!!! :)

2005-09-30T15:38:00.000-04:00

As promised, I finally have the capability of putting these pictures up. Very beautiful wedding, very beautiful bride and groom. So many beautiful people, I just had to jet out very soon. As a bridesmaid, I had to wear burnt orange for the dress... I don't think a lot of folks could have pulled it off, but I tried. You be the judge! :)

The bride and groom:

The Chocolate Barbie getting ready:

Me and the Bride:

Me dancing to "Good Times" and dancing with my little cousin:

Gang, do I need to say it again?

2005-09-30T15:33:00.000-04:00

Racism just exists like no other.

Look at it for yourself. I have nothing further to add.

Inspiration again...

2005-09-25T02:12:00.000-04:00

...This time, folks, it was from a 15 year old.

I was reading the Georgetown Current the other day and saw that there was a recital/concert going on somewhere in Dupont Circle. I wasn't all that interested until I saw "Chopin" as one of the composers that folks would be playing. I know and enjoy EVERYTHING Chopin. It was 15 bucks and I thought "Why the heck not?"

So, it was at St. Thomas Parish Church on Church Street... not too far from Raku, just in case you were wondering. And all of the performers were amatuers (I mean, if they weren't it would be a heck of a steal for 15 bucks).

In any case, OF COURSE the person who's playing all of the Chopin stuff is LAST on the list. Don't get me wrong, everyone else was great, but when I'm in a mood for Chopin, that's all I'm listening for. I was patient. And I was greatly rewarded. This KID who was born in 1989 plays 3 of Chopin's Etudes with amazing, amazing, amazing fervor--- 3 of the toughest joints/etudes. I could not believe it. He also played some awesome Rachmaninoff Etudes but my mind was just blown away with how he played overall. I couldn't wait to shake his hand afterwards. This poor kid's back was sweaty from playing--- don't blame him... those things were hard to play.

Wow, I never thought I'd get my inspiration to continue playing that silly aforementioned/blogged prelude from a 15 year old kid... he insisted, though, "I'm 2 weeks away from being 16, though." OK, kid, don't rub it in. I'm not feeling any better!

Prelude #3 in G major, Opus 28

2005-09-24T01:20:00.000-04:00

Practice slowly. With metronome. Eight beats to the measure instead of the 4 beats to slow the practice down.

It sounds so ridiculous. This prelude is only 2 pages long--- I've tackled things a billion times harder at a younger age. But after practicing this for 3 hours straight in the manner as stated above, I've nearly memorized this prelude--- the only thing is to triple its speed-- THAT'S what's taking so long.

Practicing it slowly makes it sound sooo elementary. But I really like it. I've made it my goal to learn as many of the preludes as I can. There are 24 of them. I started out knowing only three 2 days ago... now I pretty much have 5 underneath my fingers. Wonderful start. I decided not to go in order--- that's way too discouraging. It'll all fill out soon enough.

After that are, of course, the etudes! Much much harder!

Wish me luck! :)

Inspiration

2005-09-22T01:48:00.000-04:00

OK, I just finished watching this movie called "Impromptu"-- basically giving us the historical rundown of how George Sand (a woman who was trying to defy all norms of society and decided to change her name from Aurora to George) tried to win the love of the great Frederic Chopin (played by Hugh Grant of all people). They did an EXCELLENT job of doing Hugh's hair to replicate that of Chopin's. They definitely did the same for the guy who played Franz Lizst (another romantic genius).

A pretty good movie-- the only thing is that it was all about how George/Aurora was trying to get him, not a whole lot about Chopin, much to my dismay. But still-- I was inspired.

There were things that occurred in the movie that only a true Chopin lover would have caught... for example, Chopin was playing in the living room of one of the baronessesesses (whatever way you spell it) and he was playing the 15th prelude of Opus 28 (yes, I'm a dork) in the background... it was raining outside and the baroness says "Oh, Chopin, please stop playing that-- reminds me of the raindrops falling outside." Hence, that's where the nickname "Raindrop Prelude" came from. Another favorite is when George/Aurora comes in to talk to Chopin and she says "I only need a minute." And he says "A minute is all you'll get." And I'll be damned, he sits down and plays the "Minute" Waltz. Very well done!

In any case, I stayed up for an extra 2 hours to fiddle around with 10 of the 24 preludes of Opus 28. I haven't listened to them in years... 4 of them I already knew from learning them while I was in high school and the others just seem to flow out b/c I listened to them a zillion times (at least).

Talk about inspiration. I am so happy, though, that this movie did capture a lot of romanticism of this time... wish I heard more of Chopin's playing completely... ah, well, you can't have everything!

The Chocolate Barbie Doll

2005-09-18T23:46:00.000-04:00

This is my official nickname for my lovely cousin, Ms. G, who just got married this past weekend. I was in good ole San Antonio, TX this past weekend as one of her bridesmaids. She was GORGEOUS. I guess all brides are beautiful but she was especially gorgeous. (And us bridesmaids in our burnt orange actually looked really nice... I was pleasantly surprised by how well it all turned out!)

Which got me to thinking... I cannot wait until I get married.

Uh-oh. Am I doing one of those 'girl' things again? Planning the wedding day before I even meet the guy? Well, I think it's OK. I'm sure some guys do this as well, so I can't put blame on my womanly instinct.

In any case, my cousin, aka the Chocolate Barbie, will be my goal for when I have my big ole wedding, yo. Aaah, one can only dream.

Interesting...

2005-09-13T21:43:00.000-04:00

In the past few days, three very different guys who know me at varying levels have been able to define my musical tastes/personality despite my physical exterior:

1. The Co-worker: He's known me for a few months and recently, we were placed on the same team-- work odd hours of the night and day. While my exterior is mainly uber-professional/conservative (I wear Kim Jong Il/Condi Rice suits, as a good friend puts it), he knows what's on my iPod or in my CD case, which, in my opinion, is very intimate. (Hey, we all have our intimate things-- mine is music-- if you know what I play/listen to/concerts I attend, you know what I'm like). The other night, we went to dinner in Adams Morgan and he says "Wow, this is definitely more you than where you live. It's more artsy. When's the tattoo coming?" I asked him, "How do you figure that this is more me than my neighborhood? And why do you ask about a tattoo?" He says (in his cute New York accent) "Come on, mami. I see how your eyes lit up when we came here. Also, you have Joni Mitchell, Janet and house music on your iPod. The tattoo is just natural to me! Where would you put it?" Ok, he was right. I do LOVE Adams Morgan and it is pretty artsy (artsier than Glover Park!). And I am pretty artsy/folksy/hippie-ish when left alone and left to my own revolutionary thoughts. And I have DEFINITELY thought about a tattoo... jeez... I guess that exterior at work isn't working out too well, eh?

2. The Cutie at Starbucks: I go to this Starbucks like 3 times a week (yes, partially because this cutie works there)-- usually, I'm pretty laid back but still I'm pretty preppy and relaxed-- khakis, pressed shirt or tank top and practical sandals, but, admittedly, cute (teehee!). I walked in this evening and The Cutie comes from nowhere and takes my order. He asks me what I was listening to this time and I say "Missy" (as in Missy Elliott for your folks who are just plain Joni Mitchell fans). And then he looked at me and smiled and then said "Hey, George Clinton and the Parliament Funkadelics are playing in DC this month... did you know about that?" We got into a discussion about how great this band was, etc, and then he said "I thought that you would be interested, which is why I brought it up." The only music I ever brought up with HIM was Alicia Keys, Beyonce and Missy. The three of them do NOT add up to "Flashlight" or "One Nation Under a Groove". Neither do preppy clothes. What's the deal with that?

3. The Funny Guy Friend: He knows me the best out of the three guys. But he said something quite interesting: "Stan, I know you like the R&B classics and you're pretty good when it comes to naming those and other hip hop joins from back in the day. But you know a lot of alternative things too that may surprise some people. But, it's really interesting, I think a lot of folks get the artsier vibe from you anyway. I dunno."

Frankly, I don't think I have a favorite type of music b/c I'm pretty moody. If I'm in a girl-power mood, I like to listen specifically to Destiny's Child's "Writing's On the Wall" or even Janet's 1994 "Janet"-- particularly "If". If I'm in more of a pensive mode, then I'll listen to Joni or Ben Harper or Amos Lee-- basically, I tend to go to music that uses a lot of acoustic guitars and no more than 3 instruments (voice included). And if I'm just inspired or need to get inspired or just in a hella romantic mood (romantic in the artsy sense), then it's definitely classical all the way.

I guess my exterior doesn't include just my clothing/accessories/facial expressions... I'm guessing it also consists of how I approach a lot of things and what I say. As a good buddy of mine brought to my attention, she said that I'm "open"... I guess you can say that. I'm willing to listen to different types of music and just appreciate it (and just open to new ideas anyway).

I guess my love affair with music is more pronounced and obvious than I thought.... what a Crazy, Goofy World.

Jo complex

2005-09-07T16:05:00.000-04:00

This is a unique complex that must be entertained, folks. It happens to us all!

I call it the "Jo complex" because it is named after a fellow coworker. This coworker believed deep down in his bones that another one of our coworkers stole his ideas and is well liked because he took his ideas. Jo also hates this coworker's guts. I've never seen such bad-talking and nit-picking to find something to complain about this person, even when the work is superb. But the thing about such a complex is that you complain about your arch enemy to those who know this person but no one else has the same reaction as you do. Your hatred is CLEARLY irrational, really retarded and just plain comical. But there's just SOMETHING about that person that you JUST CAN'T STAND!

Well, out of my circle of friends at work, we all have at least two objects of our complexes--- and it's really funny that the very person I don't get along with, my friends think is "sweet" or "a really nice person" while I find her really "vile" and "petty" and plain "disgusting". How can two people who get along so well have two completely different views on one simple person?

Insecurities, kiddies. And it's OK, y'all. This is Stan you're talking to. No need to pretend like you ain't got any. We all got them.

I'll admit that there are some traits that are just soooo ridiculous-- but that's when everyone agrees and as one team, do whatever they can to avoid this person.

But when it becomes person specialized, one has to think, what the heck is up?

I'll be honest and name/describe the object of my Jo complex. This girl gets on my nerves. There was one time I just couldn't stand the SIGHT of her and I left work with a goddamned migrane. Who gets a migrane from someone they can't stand? Usually folks would tune other folks out. NOpe. I internalized every single thing she said and I hated every word she said. And I understood why a year later--- she acts like an airhead and people still respect her. I cannot STAND IT when a woman BLATANTLY acts like an airhead to be pigeon-holed as an airhead just so she can come up and show them differently in the end (like a goddamned movie). This makes me angry because I obviously can't do this and still be taken seriously.

So, I believe, we all have our Jo complexes... just be honest... as Dave Chappelle said, "If you have hate in your heart, let it out! Let that hate out!" And you'll feel so much better! And, as I've come to terms with the target of my complex, I like her much better! LOLOL

Hang in there, kiddies.

Bush's looong week....

2005-09-03T23:46:00.000-04:00

I respected the Supreme Court Chief Justice after reading an excellent article about him in the Atlantic Monthly. He was able to lead the Supreme Court with great professionalism and all folks, liberal and conservative, admired him. This is hard to find.

But all of this sort of sucks for Bush.....
Rehnqist passed away around 30 minutes ago. Katrina was proving to be a very troubling thing for him. I'm sure Bush is like "Now, to more important things." But when Bush has to make a decision for someone to replace Rehnquist, I'm sure it's not going to loook pretty... the Katrina efforts (or lack thereof) will be held against him and possibly as a bargaining chip. Hey, if it allows me and my sorors of the US of A to continue to choose, so be it.

Check it out.

Well, I hope folks won't ignore Katrina, though... that's definitely more urgent at this time.

Where the HELL are the Buses???? (for Katrina victims)

2005-09-03T00:49:00.000-04:00

Gang, I know that there is a whole lot of blogs going on out there and I've passed around a bunch of articles about this tragedy. But I have to say, the government's response and the politics that are surrounding this is just the biggest testament to the poor state of affairs at this point.

It's hard not to see that race and class is definitely a part of this. And if anyone else says anything different, then they are definitely fooling themselves.

Come on. You have your poor class of people going somewhere (the Superdome) where there is no help in sight for them. Ted Coppell was just on 30 minutes ago talking with the LA rep and there's still no sign of buses to pick up the people who have been stranded on interstate highways for DAYS and most people don't have much food to live off of.

These scenes remind me of two frames I've seen before: Rwanda and townships in South Africa. And in NO WAY am I willing to accept that the United States of America is a third world country like these countries are (or were or may become--- whatever, I hate to be arrogant, but we are not like that... so send the damned money needed to New Orleans and help those people!!!).

Don't give me this bull that these are "state" issues and the mayor/governors didn't sign the right sheets of paper to get proper things. That's BULL. You see people on TV in the United States needing help 5 days after the fact, you get up off YOUR ASS and do something god-damnit. And don't go to Louisiana and praise the governors and senators of Mississippi, Arkansas and Texas for their help but don't say anything to the Louisiana gov't folks. This is CLEARLY political. And when things are political at the stake of people (the elderly, the babies, the incapacited) then there's a HUGE problem.

Sorry, gang, but this is a race and class problem. And other cities in the United States better study this really hard because if they don't do what they can to save ALL people, but only those who "deserve" it, then we have a real problem on our hands.

No Excuses...

2005-08-31T17:04:00.000-04:00

I just went to the gym today after a 3 week hiatus. There was a BIG ole sign saying that after September 8th, it will be open 24 hours a day for 6 days a week and that seventh day, it will be open for 18 hours. So, unfortunately, I can't use the excuse of "I got home too late and the gym was closed" anymore... craziness...

Speaking of craziness, has anyone seen the new design for the Vitamin Water thingy? I've seen the advertisements in the subways with 50 Cent being the spokesman for it. But you should read the advertisement on the actual bottle. You'd think Snoop Dogg wrote it, yo. This is NOT cool. I hate it when folks make an attempt to be cool but it turns out being the complete opposite.

Well, it still tastes good.

Back to my health regime... booooooo!

test

2005-08-30T11:14:00.000-04:00

testing...

Everybody's Talking About It...

2005-08-30T09:45:00.000-04:00

Ok, this is really weird... I wake up and two bloggers have talked about this Dove campaign ad that I've been meaning to write about anyway. So here goes...

I think that this is an excellent attempt for folks to to think that 'real' women actually do have curves--- or maybe the message is that a real woman just loves herself the way she is. I think I'll go with the latter. I'm not sure if I like the first one--- "Real women have curves"... Hey, I'm a curvy sista but let's not leave out the Black, White, Brown and Asian sisters who are 'real'ly skinny naturally...

In any case, I don't know what all of the kerfaffule is all about. Some folks are 'disgusted' about these 'overweight' models while other folks are really happy that this ad is out there to charge a discourse about the state of beauty in American society. Whew, how many times are we going to go over this? There have been soooo many attempts to defy the standard of beauty but the standard still continues-- tall, long hair, thin facial features, maybe some form of curves in the buttocks area but not too much... blue eyes and maybe blond hair.

Or maybe it isn't. Maybe I'm still stuck in a 1980's mindset. I have a feeling that maybe this defiance is really breaking some folks down. I hope that's the case. But, sorry to say folks, I just graduated from college two years ago and the countless amount of tall blonde beauties always finished first.

But that's just one place where Jane Hoya just reigned. In real life, I guess it's pretty much different-- and I think this is what this ad is saying. I mean, I'm sure these curvy women and millions of other women like them are in stable relationships or they are goddesses to folks who love them (and they are goddesses to themselves)--- so what's the repulsion all about (that question goes out to those who are repulsed). Where did this come from, you may ask? Are you saying that curvier women can't get men? I'm DEFINITELY not saying that, but this seems to be the underlying reasoning for some folks out there--- if you don't meet a standard, then you don't reap the same benefits of what the standards get. Sort of like an all-or-nothing kind of deal. Sorry, when I read responses to other reactions to these ads, this is the feeling that I got-- and I think THAT'S repulsive.

In any case, ladies and gents, I think we should like the ad for what it's trying to say: real women love themselves (I hope that's what they are saying! LOL)--- and because Dove was brave enough to say it, you should buy their product. Got it? Good! (what were they selling again???....)

Kitty!!!!!

2005-08-27T21:56:00.000-04:00

Isn't this the CUTEST thing you've ever seen? Oh, this made my day (or night) at work! I love this! :)

"Black People Don't Tip" and other discussions about Black people

2005-08-25T16:02:00.000-04:00

I'm telling you... throwing around fighting words like these MUST be the newest fad or something.

So now I have people giving me very long-winded reasons why they don't serve tables at resturants that have Black patrons, or giving me a few stories from cab drivers who say why they don't pick up Black people or people giving me excuses as to why maitre 'ds don't greet Black folks walking up and down the street for them to come into the resturant. It's all because Black people don't tip.

So THAT'S why for the past several DECADES people decided not to be attentive to their Black clientle. Why is this explanation coming out so late? This is all folks had to say back in 1960-something-- could have totally absolved that whole racism thing.

Look, idiots, I'm going to tell you straight why THIS Black person don't tip. Listen carefully. I'm NOT going to give a tip to the following:

1. Rude waiter service: You see I am not done with my food; do not come up every 5 minutes and ask me if I am done. And most certainly do not TOUCH my plate as you're asking me "Are you done with this, ma'am" as you see there is a fork going into my mouth. I guess I am done after you have lifted the plate a good 3 inches off the table. That's RUDE and you're giving me the impression that you didn't want me to be in there to begin with. 1 dollar tip for you.

2. When the cab driver OBVIOUSLY OVERCHARGED me. Come on, folks. I was raised in this city and I've taken the cab at least a zillion times. I know for sure that it does not cost that much to go up 10-15 blocks of Wisconsin Avenue. I'm looking at the Zone chart at the back of the seat and it clearly says 7 bucks when you're charging me 9 bucks. Fine then. I'll give you 9 bucks to the penny--- consider the difference of the overcharged and the actual charge your tip you bastard.
And don't get me started on taxi cab drivers to begin with. I've been passed over enough to talk about this. It doesn't matter. It never fails. I thought me being a short girl in a pinstripe suit (basically reading the word 'nonthreatening') would give me some points on actually hailing a cab. But this works only like 30 per cent of the time. Every other time is just pure luck. I could be IN FRONT of a bunch of white folks hailing a cab. Clearly, from the way traffic is going, I am to be first when a cab comes by. Nope. Keeps going right on by to the group of folks behind me. I've been very fortunate to run across people who notice this and tell me to go ahead and take their cab. For that, my friend, you get no tip either. Why? Because you pissed me off!

And I hope folks realize that this rumor of "Black people don't tip" really backfires against the working classes that actually need these tips. The foundation for some of this rude behavoir to begin with is this rumor. If it seems like someone doesn't want to serve me then I won't tip well. But from that, the waiter or whatever thinks that I'm not tipping because I'm Black when in fact they should treat me with the same respect as they do with the other folks in the resturant. I'm just saying, this is just a crazy crazy cycle that's pitting folks against each other for no particular reason.
My other favorite is: "Yeah, and Black people work waiters to the bone. Like they send you back for stupid stuff like the gravy wasn't on the side like they had asked."
I don't know about y'all but I was always told that the customer was right. Admittedly, some folks are relentless, Black, White, Brown, Purple, Blue (but why do they put 'relentlessness' on Black people? This is also another problem) Now when it seems like when there are a bit too many Black people who are the customers rather than the servers, this is not right. We need to think about this one, folks.

It really bothers me that people actually monitor what race does a certain amount of tipping in the first place. You're there to do your job. I'm at my job to do my job. If I'm always going around with the notion that all admirals are mean based on one or two admirals that I met and I go around treating the next batch of admirals with an undertone of disrespect, then of course, all of the admirals from then on will, in fact, treat me mean. It's a horrible cycle. But it's discrimination nonetheless.

So, basically, I don't know what this new rumor is supposed to do to my psyche as a Black woman. I'm telling you, everytime I wake up, there's a new stereotype that I must either shake off, laugh off with coworkers (when you know you want to tell them to shut the HELL UP) or just juggle with the other ones: Black women are bossy, Black women are too sassy, Black women are just way too promiscuous, or this Black woman got this job b/c of Affirmative Action, or "That Black woman's hair is long. I wonder if those are extensions." or "Black women are lazy-- they don't really work when they are at work" or "Black women are unreasonable".
Oh, you don't want to hear it, you say? I'm sorry, you're gonna have to. You're reading a Black woman's blog. And you're lucky b/c you're just reading about it, you're not living it. But I'm NOT going to tip 40% at every resturant I go to just because I'm trying to dispell the stereotype of the race--- forget that. You're getting 10%-15% if it was OK service and definitely 20-25% if you were awesome. If you spilled food on my lap and didn't say sorry, what do you expect?

And I'm not going to hold back what I have to say because I'm afraid of being branded "hard to work with" when in fact this is the exact same behavoir that's looked upon as great in another coworker who's not Black.

And I really like how there are excuses for why famous Black people are as popular as they are:
-- Denzel Washington: the general consensus is he's a hot papi. But no, there had to be a scientific explanation as to why he was hot: he has perfect symmetry in his face. SO WHAT???? No one is going around measuring Tom Cruise's face or Ashton Kutcher's face to give an explanation as to why people find them attractive. Give me a break.

-- Colin Powell: People obviously respect this man. "He speaks so well. When he was at the UN he spoke so well." Did you even listen to what the man said? Whether you agree with the war or not you have to understand that his job was quite complex, esp when there really wasn't that much to stand on.

-- Condoleezza Rice: I love this woman. I'm so far from republican it's sickening but I still love her. She dispells every stereotype just by being herself. She's not comforting (Mammy) at all when it comes to negotiations, she's not bossy (b/c you'd expect a Black woman to be that way, right?) but very firm in her beliefs and she commands respect everywhere she goes. I also love her b/c she plays the piano as well! LOL... but basically, what can folks say? "Well, she speaks so well..." And another favorite "She looks so mean." If she was smiling all the damn time, you'd think she was retarded. And you would look mean too if your boss is always out to lunch when it comes to stuff like Iraq, etc. But I digress. Leave that woman alone and let her negotiate nuclear weaponry with Iran. If you want to say something about her, disagree with her policies.

You may read this entry and think that I think about race alot. Well, everyone does but I don't on a daily basis. And I have to admit that while at work, it's all about the substance and not about who's giving it, which is one thing I do credit to my job (most of the time-- when they start acting out, we let them know). And you notice that when I complain about work, it has NOTHING to do with race--- it's all about merit (or other people's lack of it). So for the majority of my day, I do not think about race--- so when it comes up, it has to be something really retarded.

On that note, I'm off to work. :)

Recall

2005-08-19T10:10:00.000-04:00

(If you work where I work, then you'll know what "recall" usually means on a piece of traffic!! I'll just say it usually causes a tizzy for like a day or two at work.)

Yes, due to misunderstandings of such intonations of another blogger, Mr. Seth J., I must recall the bashing of the 2nd date hypothesis--- b/c he was just kidding.

But the point of the blog still stands... The Aristocrats is OK, still go see it for Bob Saget. It's definitely worth it! :) :) :) :)

The Aristocrats

2005-08-19T09:00:00.000-04:00

Granted, I never heard of this joke before in my life. I'm going to say it probably is a good thing and also because I was raised in a Black family in the ghetto and humor there isn't quite the same as, say, George Carlin's or what not.

Anyway, I have to disagree with my fellow blogger Sethj on this one. He stated that this was the best second date movie ever. I would say let's move that down to the best 11th or 12th date movie ever. And it's not because of the foul language or anything like that, but I'm sorry, there's but so much you can do or say about a joke that tries to fit stuff about genitals, bodily fluids, vomit, animals and sexual acts in one joke and still be able to laugh at it like after hearing it for the 3rd time. And the 2nd date will definitely be awkward after you see this movie. Best to catch it with a bunch of friends-- and the type of friends who say stuff that you see in this movie-- and not your Mormon friends, people. Common sense gotta kick in at some point, folks! :)

The joke itself isn't funny--- no wait, the punch line isn't funny. The way on to the punch line is hilarious, but that depends on who's telling it. I have to say that throughout the movie, there were only two or three funny versions. The unfunny ones were the ones that seem to follow a formula like "I have to include a dog now... ok, now put the mother at the end and then punchline". Nah.... and that was 80-90% of the movie. But I believe that the funniest versions of this joke are when folks you don't expect to even say it are telling it and those who are extremely detailed that makes it worth it or just the clearly absurd. And I have two words for the reason to see this movie: BOB SAGET. Remember "Half Baked"? Oh, this is worse and he's HILARIOUS!!!! The details that he put into this joke made it disgusting but made you think "What is going through his head? How is he thinking of this stuff????" and I was DYING laughing. You just can't believe the stuff he's saying--- which makes it even more funny!

Overall, it was an OK movie/documentary. I think it's always a good idea to have so many comedians talk about one particular thing in a movie b/c you're going to laugh at some point. But, sorry, Sethj, this movie can be a deal breaker for you or not, but I think I can speak for a lot of folks out there--- this is more of a "Hey, dude, let's go and see that movie-- I heard it was funny as hell. Call up the gang and let's go" kind of movie rather than a "Hi, Katie? Yes, want to go see a movie? How about Thursday? Awesome! Let's go to dinner first and then maybe we can hang out at the Waterfront afterwards. I'll be sure to walk you home" kind of movie. And for the record, this is not a "little scatalogical incest"-- a good portion of it just isn't funny! So if a girl doesn't like it, maybe it's because it's not her humor or just the lack thereof for a good portion of it? And you don't want her to pretend it's funny just so you can still like her, eh? You're not going to win if you make this movie a "test" to see if a 3rd date would occur.

Just my two cents.

But for all other readers, just watch it for Bob Saget. Don't spend 9 bucks to walk out 20 minutes into the movie (like 10 people did last night) and miss Bob Saget--- that's worth it!

My other fav-- "We all have to lighten up and joke a little.. especially since the tragic events... of January 3rd... that's when I lost my Visa checkcard, gang. Very sad day... very sad day!"

Me and my cat Ricky

2005-08-18T18:55:00.000-04:00

Isn't Ricky a cutie??????? awww!

(And take a look at my guns--- watch out... they'll getcha! LOL)

Apology Accepted

2005-08-17T11:14:00.000-04:00

My boss who wasn't "talking" to me yesterday apologized in a roundabout way for happened yesterday with the product. So, I don't feel so incompetent anymore... but it leads me to feeling pretty indignant and upset because I should not have cowered... which is going to lead into my next blog entry... stay tuned... it's gonna be a big think piece...

Crappiest of Days--- almost

2005-08-16T15:38:00.000-04:00

So, OK, gang... I walk into work with that gut feeling and asking myself "Did I do everything right before I left last night?" And I am positive that I did everything as instructed... but there's still that feeling...

So I walk in and everyone's dead quiet-- I have this gift from God of where I can figure out the mood of a room as soon as I walk in. My SIA (Senior INtel Analyst) doesn't say anything to me, the other analysts don't either--- we all say "good morning" but there's something misssing.

I look down and see the notes from this morning's briefing-- uh-oh. Something happened. I knew immediately. So, I read through the e-mail and see that there was a very last minute product and it was something that I told the night analyst that he didn't have to worry about-- but alas, he did have to-- or so he was told.

My SIA, "The Nice Guy" looks over at me and gives me a painful smile. He walks mindlessly to the kitchen and then comes back to me and say "Stanli, come into my office.. we need to talk." He didn't even say it in a mean tone--- but you just knew that something was up.

We talked about the product and basically, all of the running around that he and the night analyst had to do at the last minute just came down to be my fault. Apparently, the head boss was upset and he wasn't talking to me. But I had to face the music at 10am (15 min after I got in at work)--- that's when we had a big group meeting.

The head boss had a big talk about it, talking in generalities but really talking about me. Don't you just hate that shit? It's like "Hey, everyone, I'm gonna talk about her but only so she won't think I'm talking about her."

But then comes the lifesaver. My other SIA, "The Diva" just pops right on in and says "No, she was right. Everything was taken care of, there was no need to do a product. I don't know why you guys are always ok with being bullied around when you know we are right." Oh, my goodness. And furthermore, "The Nice Guy" was the one who told me not to even do the product! So, even if there was fault to be had, it all wouldn't be mine.

So, it started out as a very crappy day, but The Diva came to the rescue and she was right overall. Even though her Divaness can be a bit overbearing sometimes she was right on time today. And I shouldn't have cowered like a punk--- but I'm sorry, before the Diva came in, there were like 3 folks against me, what am I supposed to do? I don't consider myself any form of an expert.

But in any case, the mood of the whole office changed in like 20 minutes. Everyone was happy again-- which is good-- it's good to see that no one wants another fellow worker to be in trouble (it's just embarrassing to watch anyway).

Some way, some how, y'all, I came out alright. (As far as THAT'S concerned... now as far as the rest of the day is concerned, pray for me!)

Cats and Chopin

2005-08-14T19:19:00.000-04:00

This link is HILARIOUS!!!

http://www.mycathatesyou.com/cats/2005/06/5

Awesome!

2005-08-14T13:46:00.000-04:00

Well, I'm not going to let a little shift work get me down. I'm already planning my next excursion to the bars of DC.

Tom Tom: Tons o fun, especially after a Kickball game. There's a hot bartender there that a couple of girls (and some guys) and I like to stare at during and after a good game of flip cup.

Speaking of flip cup: Asianmistress gives three great bars that still have flip cup: The Angry Inch, Exchange and Kelly's Irish Times. May have to check these mothers out!

Jazz anyone?: Apparently, I still haven't been able to fulfill my desire to go to either Blues Alley or Bohemian Caverns. But I'm gonna do it. I've been hearing nothing but great things about these places. I also hear that Blues Alley is awesome during the winter (I don't know if it's because of the weather or b/c the awesomest players come during that time...?)

Raku: I go here all the time, but lately I've been obsessed with it.... you've gotta try it! :)

Ok, back to work now... :(

Muggy Friday Day and Night

2005-08-13T13:45:00.000-04:00

So, Friday was interesting. I ended up running a ton of errands before 12 noon. The main reason for leaving the house was that I needed to return the pair of Via Spiga shoes and buy other shoes like it that were more comfortable. Mission Accomplished. Then I ran into a coworker (who was also off shift) and we exchanged some good gossip and then went on our separate ways.

Got home and, while I should have been taking a nap, I decided to make a quick dash to the Starbucks down the street just so I could get at least a quick glance at the cutie who works there. I was able to see him and we exchanged some hellos and sincere/cute/shy smiles (he's soo cute!). The day before, he took my order and asked me what I was listening to on my iPod. "Beyonce and some Alicia." He then asked who I preferred and I say "Alicia. She's more original." Then we started talking about them, then other singers like Sade and blah blah blah. Then he stated "Well, Miss "I listen to great music" please come and visit me more often so we can discuss such things further." I assured him that I definitely would. So my visit yesterday was a way to confirm said promise. The "talk" didn't happen but at least I got to see him. (As a side note, I can't believe that my 'dating' life is reduced to this-- hoping to catch an eye of a cute guy at Starbucks. Ah, such is life for now, eh?)

After that exciting experience, I went to the movies. Earlier in the week, I had asked a buddy of mine to go see the Wedding Crashers with me but he complained that I asked him way too early. Well, the loser never got back to me so I recruited my partner in all crimes, KeyKey, to go with me. We went and I howled with laughter sooooo much. It was pretty good. It was completely loaded with tons and tons of quotes--- I just have to buy it (like the Anchorman) and study it over and over again in order to memorize the quotes.

After the Wedding Crashers, we wanted to go somewhere and hang out. So I suggested the Lucky Bar since we weren't necessarily decked out to go to 1223 or Ozios or what have you.

When we got to Lucky Bar, we were coaxed to sit OUTSIDE and talk with two friends from kickball for an hour and a half. Then I was convinced to go to a house party where the theme of the party was to play flip cup (!!!!!!) and other games. However, when we got there, it was even HOTTER and MUGGIER in the basement where such activities were taking place. After 20 minutes the girls and I decide that we couldn't handle it any longer--- even the fan blowing directly in our faces couldn't save us.

I walked back home, literally dripping wet. So much for the straightening comb for my hair! :) I got into the shower IMMEDIATELY and was finally able to hug my cat after my prepare-for-bed rituals.

Gotta love DC weather and DC shenannigans-- all in one night! Nice way to end a week long break and get back to work on Saturday/today (which is what I'm supposed to be doing now!!!!)

The Art of Flip Cup

2005-08-12T03:56:00.000-04:00

I'm tellin' ya. This summer has been full of mystery.

I am a part of a Kickball team that's based in Adams Morgan.. (to be exact, I am a part of "The Plauge".. we came in dead last for the season-- however, we were nearly undefeated in the flip cup tournament!)

I never played flip cup, beer pong, A**hole, or whatever drinking games that exist while I was in college. Yeah, I was one of those goody-goodies. And when I was of age, I was a senior, an RA in a freshman dorm so I spent most of the time busting people for playing said games.

But now I realize what all of the fuss was about for these naive freshmen. And I understand why so much noise was invovled. And I understand such drunkeness of said debauchery. Had I the understanding then, I wouldn't have been as harsh--- but I still would have written them up but with a smile! :)

So, I started playing flip-cup a few months ago and lo and behold, I'm pretty darned good. One flip is all that needed for this chica here. Two if it's the third game... three if either I'm just getting really started or it's getting pretty hard to coordinate! I remember telling my kickball team member during the first time I played seriously: "Man, Erin, the more you play, the harder it is to flip the cup." LOLOLOLOL

I have learned that you have to master the flip by understanding what type of cup you are using. Those little paperweight Bud Light joints are NOT the ones to go with. They are so light that they might fly out of the window. The preferable ones are a bit bigger, can hold around 12-16 fluid ounces and have a pretty heavy (hopefully heavy duty plastic) rim. Do I sound like a drunkard? I may but I'm not. Honestly. If I'm going to play a game, I've gotta win, yo. And the way to win this one is to have a decent cup to flip (and awesome teammates who yell and scream in your ear as you're trying to flip the cup: "You better flip that goddamned cup! Now!!!!!")

Oh, I can't wait until the Fall Season of kickball!!!

What Happened to them?

2005-08-11T11:59:00.000-04:00

(You know I have WAAAY too much time-- I'm definitely enjoying these days off... back to work on Sat... booooo!)

Anyway, what ever happened to these artists?

1. Hanson-- Remember "Mmm-bop"??? I think they had like another single that was AWESOME (I say it in the most sarcastic way possible)... then they had something else when their voices were significantly lower. Haven't heard from them since.

2. Limp Bizkit. I'm sure they are out with something but I just have no clue what the heck they may be up to. I'm just saying, I remember they had like the best single back in 1999/2000. Anything since?

3. Mark Morrison-- The 'Return of the Mac' dude. As much as I hate that song, I am still curious as to what he could be doing.

4. Mase-- he had that song "Breathe, Stretch, Shake, Let it Go" or something like that a few months back but I don't think he released another song since (or has he???) Still, does he hang out with Puff Daddy-- I'm sorry, P. Diddy. (As a side note, I just think Dave Chappelle has the best impersonation of P. Diddy--- the greasy lips just did it for me... LOLOLOLOL)

5. Tito Jackson-- What the heck is he up to now? I mean, everytime I talk about the Jacksons, his name just pops up which just leads me to ask "What does he do for a living?"

6. DMX--- I just saw a video from like 1998. I think he's been in a couple of movies or what not but I don't know if he's produced anything since.

7. Those two girls that got kicked out of Destiny's Child. I remember reading in a hair magazine a couple of years back that they formed their own group but I swear I haven't heard anything about that group since reading about it.

8. LL Cool J-- Well, I'm sure he's coming out with something anyway but I just had to ask-- will he make a come back? (Go ahead, let's say it together--- "Don't call it a comeback, I've been here for years.)

9. Mystikal-- that dude who yelled/screamed all the rap lyrics. Remember that song "Shake Ya Ass" (watch yaself) from 2000, I guess? Whatever happened to him?

10. Keith Sweat-- I call him the original but clean R. Kelly. I don't think he's had a song in years... and unfortunately, all of his songs are quite identifable b/c they all sound alike. What are you gonna do?

11. When is Dave Chappelle coming back???? Not right!!!

Imitation of Life... A Real Deep Joint

2005-08-11T01:15:00.000-04:00

After three failed attempts by falling asleep shamelessly, I finally finished watching the 1959 version of "Imitation of Life", which was highly recommended in a book I recently bought. There were two sets of stories in this movie: one about a struggling white actress and how she made it big, but she unwittingly neglected her daughter emotionally (I have to say that she did do very well without the help of non-related factors; she was apparently a damned good actress). The other story was about a Black woman who had a daughter who was mixed but her daughter tried her best to pass for white. I only watched it for the latter story. And I have to say that it was quite moving. Although I did not like the role of the Black mother being so damned submissive and so optomistic about everything, the point of the story still held: You are who you are and you cannot help it.

This movie pretty much hones in on how the biracial daughter was trying to deny her mother's heritage, which I think is sad. But considering the times and the opportunities available in the 1940s or what not, if I were the daughter, Sarah Jane, I'd probably do the same thing but wouldn't be so mean about it... I'd feel horrible but it would just suck to know that you can have a whole different life just by pretending to be only one thing or the other.

Look at things now--- they have changed to some extent. The opportunities are more than ever for all folks of all colors. But I still think that there's one element that's lingering out there that makes people get really really upset in a heartbeat-- and it's that of the issue of beauty. Let's face it-- beauty leads to attraction, which leads to interest, which leads to opportunities or at least standing out in front of other women or men. This is applicable to a lot of things in life (a job or marraige).

Let's face it, folks. That ain't gonna change-- at least not in America-- for a long long time. The preference will still be for tall, skinny, white (or something like it), with some form of curves but not too much and long hair, preferrably blonde. And it's all good. I say it's all good but believe me, sometimes, it doesn't seem like it's all good considering that I'm the opposite of ALL OF THAT. But the thing that's interesting out there now is that you can BUY this stuff to try to fit the mold... i.e. you can dye your hair, add extentions to make it long. You can buy 4 inch heels. You can diet and/or get liposuction to get skinny. The turning white stuff ain't all that easy and not really all that recommended but you can do that too (Look at MJ).

I don't know... no matter how you try to change, you better be changing for you. That's the only way you can stay true to yourself.

Shoes

2005-08-09T21:49:00.000-04:00

I've never been a shopping type of girl... or at least that's what I thought until two years ago when I started getting this "Lucky" magazine. SOOO awesome. And it all came in handy today when I decided to go freakin' shoe shopping after having a pity party (as indicated in the previous blog).

Oh, my goodness, my friend KeyKey and I went shopping at DSW over at Pentagon City. Ain't nothing like shopping on a Tuesday afternoon. We were in that store for at least 2 hours and we left no shoe unanalyzed. I ended up getting a cute pair of Via Spiga's roundtoe joints--- very cute!

Nothing like spending that hard earned money that you get while getting yelled at while working... something's good gotta come out of it, right?

Success

2005-08-07T23:05:00.000-04:00

Last night, I had my shindig at my apartment. I have to say that it went very well. The very people I wanted to see (plus some!) came, even if it was for half an hour or so. I really had a great time-- unfortunately, I slept all day and had to go to work tonight--- lots of beer bottles and plates to be thrown away. Hopefully, the cat won't find the chocolate Pentagon on the table! :)

Relationships are Delicate

2005-08-05T22:48:00.000-04:00

The relationships you make with people are very delicate. Just gotta remember that when you're dealing with feelings.

But always protect your own.

Updates will soon appear on this blog.

Kids

2005-08-02T23:10:00.000-04:00

I don't know if you notice but have you ever seen a kid wave at a bus as it's tumbling down the street? With a big grin on his or her face?

Or have you noticed how gentle a kid is when he or she is holding a kitten and making "awww" sounds?

There's something angelic about this. And I miss being a kid. Or at least being amazed at something that most deem simple.

My little cousins stayed wtih me for a whole weekend about a month ago and we had a blast. I was tired as all hell during portions b/c kids just have soooo much energy.
So they met my kitten, Ricky, and they fell in love with him. I keep thinking back to when we all were on the bed surrounding the cat, taking turns petting the cat. I think this the first time that they were up close to a cat without it running away from them. They took this to mean that the cat liked them and they were overjoyed by this.

They have a pug and they are self-declared dog lovers. However, Ricky was an exception. As my cousin Chris put it: "Ricky's on the side of the dogs. He's a cool cat." Then he proceeded to tell various imaginary stories about how Ricky was a spy for the dog camp and what not. TOO CUTE.

I dunno, but this is another one of those 'revelations' I've been having for the past week or so... sort of stopping and smelling the roses.
I think it's necessary to do sometimes-- esp in DC with all of the hustle and bustle that goes on in this city and at work and with stressful jobs.

As Shug says to Ceilie: "I think it pisses God off if you walk by the color purple in a field somewhere and don't notice."

Amen, sister...

Clarification

2005-08-02T23:03:00.000-04:00

A couple of readers didn't know what I was trying to say in the previous blog about "Interracial Dating".... (maybe because it was so dang long).

The bottom line: I don't know why this is such a big deal and why I ever let it be a big deal in my life at least. Everyone--- just love freely and laugh often... the secret to life. And realize all people are beautiful and just go with your heart. No one on this Earth should be bound by something so stupid as the color of your skin or difference of background.

And if anyone gives you flak about this subject, just send them to me!

Controversial Topic: Interracial Dating

2005-07-31T21:51:00.000-04:00

It may not be so controversial with other folks like it is with Black Women... I have noticed over the past 5-10 years. And while I always thought that I was an open-minded individual, I realized that I still had some "hang ups".

What's the deal?

Well, I guess we have to get out a bunch of 'stereotypes' or assumptions or just things that are said as fact all the time.
Let's see:

1. Black women are told constantly (news, magazines, papers, internet, their friends, Fox News, etc) that there is a dearth of Black men in America. They are either in jail, gay or dead. (I just have to say that this is so stupid).

2. Black women are bombarded with images of what she must look like-- tall, thin, with some butt (but not too much), some curves and a certain shade of skin. (stupid as well).

3. Black women are also bombarded with the stereotype that they are bossy, picky, loud and just unbearable to be around.

4. Black women are bombarded with images of Black men (the ones who aren't gay, in jail or dead)-- infidels, drug-users, uncouth, unable to speak, atheletes, sometimes unintelligible, etc--- which makes Black women either turned off from them or have them believe that this is what to settle for or that's all that's out there.

5. Black men are bombarded by images of Black women as being promiscuous, gold-diggers, wanting to 'pull a fast one', can dance to 'booty music', has four or five kids and on and on.

Ok, while there are some cases such as these, this is not the norm. But let's get into the meat and potatoes of this...

Given these stereotypes, etc, that Black women have of Black men and vice versa, it becomes even more twisted in the Game of Love (or at least trying to get a phone number).

I am going to speak for myself from now on in this blog.
I know that when I see a Black man walking down the street hand in hand with a White woman (or some other woman that's not Black), I am stuck with a dilemma before I pass them. (this is a dialogue that other Black women have admitted to... so I'm not crazy): Should I smile at them and say "hello" like I did to the past two couples I just passed in the street? If I did that, would the guy think I'm patronizing him and think I'm faking? Or should I pretend like I didn't see them and not say hello at all? But if I do that, will he think that I'm jealous or something?
This is craziness, y'all, but this happens... not as often anymore b/c I ain't got time anymore-- I either say hello to everyone or no one at all... depending on how I feel during that day.
And I have to say that when I had this discussion with other Black women, when they see this combo of a couple, they say "Hmph." and may even roll eyes.

Is this racism? At first sight, it may seem like it. I don't think so... but let's look at this a little bit closer.
Let's revisit the 5 points I brought up at the beginning of this blog. As a Black woman, there's a tacit "rule" out there stating that I have to date or get married to a Black man-- I mean, if you're really going to look at it in a VERY pragmatic way, one can assume that a Black man and Black woman would have a lot in common-- more than any other combination. But this does not hold true anymore... however, this tacit rule still sticks to us while reality is sort of changing around us slowly but surely.
So, if your target is a Black man and you're fishing for that precious one that isn't in jail or gay or unintelligeble ,etc, and you see one that LOOKS appropriate for you with a woman of another race, you're reaction is "Hmph" for several reasons (mainly assumptions):
1. He likes women of that particular race (which means, that's one less man I can vie for).
2. He likes women of that particular race b/c of hair texture, body shape, etc (which is something I cannot compete with, which leads back to the conclusion in #1).
3. He has sworn off Black women because he doesn't like the way they look or has fed into the stereotype that Black women are just not a good partner to have b/c she's promiscuous, got four or five kids or just want to take all of yur money (the list goes on and on). ---> I think this is the worst fear because not only can you NOT compete, but you think you will possibly be ridiculed.
4. (I know you're thinking it, and I'm going to say it): He done lost his damn mind. He think he's doing better by being with her than being with me.

But that just comes down to how I think of myself (making sure I keep this in the 1st person). There's some feeling of inadequacy that's going on. And I have to admit that as a Black woman, I'm told everyday one way or another that I am NOT good enough at anything except for messing something up or bitching someone out about something very trivial. As a Black woman, I have a ton of pride that just doesn't seem to be respected or acknowledged. I want a guy to smile at me and asking me how my day was without me having to reveal a certain amount of skin to gain attention. It just seems like every other woman can get that simple sign of respect wihtout going through so much effort. It's a lot to deal with every freakin' day without the Game of Love even being a part of the picture... and then you see a man you're "supposed" to be with on the arm of a beautiful woman of another race and you just feel like you lost a battle or something...

But really think about it...

Why is it less OK if a Black guy you're looking at is with a White woman instead of a Black woman? The bottom line is: YOU DON'T GOT HIM!!! And if he's fine, just hate on the woman b/c she's on his arm, not because she's White or whatever!!! Girlfriend got game (or just got to him before you did!!) LOL

Revelation Time:
Having gone through such a sociological study in like 5 minutes, there is a revelation that I had today: There is a woman for every man... and there is no qualifier to this--- just because you're Black doesn't mean that your soul mate has to be Black too. The White woman that may be on that Black man's arm is there because he is attracted to her-- all of her.. not just her color but her humor, her style, her laugh, her ambitions in life. Everything.

And this is only if it's a genuine guy.

Same goes for women, too.

If this guy has "gone to the other side" because he actually BELIEVES the stereotypes of about Black women and he "just can't stand a Black woman" and he believes that "White women are blah blah blah", believe me, the woman he's with (whether she's White, Brown, Purple or Blue) will realize that he isn't worth it b/c he's ultimately not liking her for her... she will soon call "BS" on him and dump his sorry, stereotyping ass.

And vice versa.

I don't know much in this crazy, crazy world... and maybe I am an idealist and maybe I'm an optimist, but I am willing to take a wild guess and say that all humans are the same-- no one wants to be disrespected, no one wants to be shunned because of traits they can't alter in a day and everyone wants to be loved... the only difference among us all is that we were just raised differently and have different cultures. These cultures are different and beautiful.. but the nasty parts of it, the stereotypes that they are willing to keep a hold of, we have to leave all of that behind. Because when it comes down to it, folks, we must open our eyes... everyone's beautiful. And every human being has the ability (and responsibility) to show our best whenever we can. And there's someone out there waiting for us to show it and fall in love with it-- no matter what color.

Just my romantic interpretation of the situation.

Tidal

2005-07-31T04:24:00.000-04:00

So, as I was assemblying a bunch of new stuff for the apartment, I just popped in a CD that I hadn't listened to in a while and I only listened to two songs. I was somehow compelled to just listen to the whole CD. This CD was Fiona Apple's first joint, Tidal.

It's REALLY good.

But, there we go... I know myself. I bought this CD at a second hand store back in 1998 when I did a summer program at Cornell University. I don't know why I got it, I think I really liked that song "Criminal" or something.

The point still remains, I usually buy music this way. I would buy a bunch of CDs over a certain amount of time, then I eventually listen to the whole CD-- either within a month or, in this case, 7 years.

In any case, Tidal is really good. My favorite is "Shadowboxer"... overall, Fiona Apple is a really good artist. Very jazzy, very soulful-- a voice I wouldn't necessarily expect from such a small person.

I hope she comes out with more stuff soon. I really like her... she's now a part of my "alternative music" quest...

Shadowboxer:
Once my lover
Now my friend
What a cruel thing
To pretend
What a cunning way
To condescend
Once my lover and
Now my friend
Oh, you creep up
Like the clouds
And you set my soul at ease
Then you let
Your love abound
And you bring me
To my knees
Oh, it's evil, babe
The way you let
Your grace enrapture me
When will you know
I'd be insane
To ever let that
Dirty game recapture me
You made me

A shadowboxer, baby
I wanna be ready
For what you doI've been swinging
All around me
'Cause I don't know
When you're gonna
Make your move
Oh, your gazeIs dangerous
And you fill your
Space so sweet
If I let you
Get too close
You'll set your
Spell on me
So darlin'
I just wanna say
Just in case
I don't come through
I was on to every play
I just wanted you
But, oh, it's so evil
My love
The way you've no
Reverence to my concern
So I'll be sure to
Stay wary of you, love
To save the pain of
Once my flame and
Twice my burn
You made me
A shadowboxer, baby
I wanna be ready
For what you doI've been swinging
All around me
'Cause I don't know
When you're gonna
Make your move

Just thinking about this time last year...

2005-07-30T02:27:00.000-04:00

I remember that this time last year, I was in the middle of a relationship with an older guy (he was 33... ouch). Don't you know how you know deep down inside that it's not right? Well, I knew that... it wasn't fulfilling in a lot of ways, but, unfortunately and if anything, it was because I finally had someone. But in fact, I didn't have anyone. If anything, he had me. And he was TRIFLING. Girrrrl, let me tell ya.. and it's hilarious that it has taken me a year to finally admit it 100% truthfully. My aunt and I were on the phone constantly-- her giving me advice and me trying to take it but too afraid to. I talked with my aunt about it the other day and we both were howling laughing on the phone about how she knew how things would go and how TRIFLING this guy was.

Well, I be darned if I didn't see him again today at the gym. Good Lord have mercy, I saw him and of course, he's in a position where I couldn't easily get away. Good gracious, so then he wanted to say "Why haven't you called? I've called and left messages and everything and you didn't call me back."

Folks, that was such a blatant lie. And even he knew that. So, while he spoke, I started falling asleep standing (I had just come from the night shift of work in the morning and I was definitely thinking of how to get into the shower then into my very comfy bed). So, he said he'll call me. I couldn't give a flying dead cat about this. Of course, it won't even happen. This guy is so fake, it's ridiculous.

In any case, it's too funny how things can change within a year.

What's going on?

2005-07-29T02:00:00.000-04:00

While I know that this blog was originally meant to talk on and on and on about music, I have to admit that there have been very few songs, piano pieces, symphonic music or even musical instruments that have inspired me to write about it/them on this blog for the past few weeks. If anything, life events have taken place and I must decide on these events' soundtracks pretty soon.

What are these events?
1. After watching "Hitch", I realize that there just may be someone out there for all of us. However, as I went to work today, two "kids" announced that they were engaged (to separate folks). These "kids" are 24 and 26, basically my age range. Speaking of marriage, I'm set to be a bridesmaid at my cousin's wedding in September and she's 27 years old... not that far ahead of me. She's been with her hubby-to-be for the past 5 years. Wow, if things are to go the way that these folks have gone, I'm definitely behind the curve here.

2. I've learned that I'm a damned good employee... and I do deserve the awards I have received. That's all I got to say.

3. I've learned that I just may need a break from some things that I thought were good a while back. You know, can't eat too much McDonalds or can't get too much family gossip. You just get sick of it. There are a lot of things I need a break from-- even wonderful emotional support from a dear friend. I've noticed that life is surprisingly good without the advice (because I am implementing it now)... but the interaction is lacking and, while I know it's self-initiated, I do miss it. But it's required right around now.

I don't know what it is. I guess actually thinking about who I am and what I want for myself has made me a bit more reflective and by reflective, that means pretty introverted to some but extremely extroverted towards others... I guess that means I need certain things from certain people. I need to be around certain folks in order to make it through the day. The rigamaroll from January just won't cut it for now. I guess that's OK.

One thing I am noticing--- I am gradually being drawn to folks who are quite confident in their intellectual abilities as well as their appearance but are very subtle about it. They aren't into comparing, or blabbering it out to the world. They are who they are. It's the most comfortable thing to be around. Not to say that I hung out with folks who were the complete opposite in the past, but I'm starting to really see this in some folks and really appreciate it.

More to learn...

Seeing Red

2005-07-24T17:40:00.000-04:00

Ok, guys... you must excuse my language because I am so pissed off right now. (And I've been working with former Marines all weekend so some of that foul language did rub off.)

And this is a lesson to all, mostly ladies, but really to all....

So, I'm at work right? A co-worker, Greg, is training another guy, Steve, b/c he's taking over Greg's job pretty soon. ANYWAY, Greg says "Hey, Stanli, I'm going to go to Pentagon City to get some food. What do you want? McDonalds? Etc" So I say "Yeah, a fish filet, medium, you know, the usual."So the Steve dude syas "Well, Stanli, McDonalds is bad for you. I've seen you eat a lot of McDonald's lately and I don' t think it's a good idea." --- with the tone of voice that states that if I keep it up, I'm gonna gain 100 pounds in 2 weeks. (When I'm 5'1 and 122lbs... not possible)

So, there's this weird silence that SHOULD have been filled with me saying the follow: "Well, bitch, I'm a grown-ass woman and I'm aware. I want McDonalds-- I've been workin' freaking day and night and earning my pay-- I'll eat what I want. I've seen "SuperSize Me." The fries are good. Let me eat in freakin' peace."

But, of course, I don't say that.

So, guess what Stanli does? (And this is why I'm REALLY pissed off)--- I change my damn order to a goddamned, non-filling stupid salad. The hell?

I'M PISSED OFF!!!

Y'all--- don't EVER do this. I'm sure some of you wouldn't even let this happen-- but just in case you ever feel that weakness, do whatever the hell you want. Let the wrath of a Black enter your soul and prevent you from bending to someone else's rules (unless, of course, a big tiger is coming your way... but you get the point).

And don't give me that the salad was better for me-- while it probably was, the PRINCIPLE is that this is America... I should not have anyone who isn't my immediate family tell me what is good for me when they don't know who I am.

And I think what added into my insecurity (which is soooo bad) was when this same IDIOT was saying "Yeah, I think every Latin and Black man's dream is a woman who's over 5'9."

DARN YOU. DARN YOU TO HECK.

While this is obviously NOT true, I still fed into this. I'M SO PISSED WITH MYSELF!!!!!!

Things I've Learned...

2005-07-23T01:06:00.000-04:00

... in the past 3 days at work:

1. I may not always be right, but gosh darn it, I'm not always wrong either. The "expert" or "senior" can be wrong and you can't take their word for it. You have to check up on them, too.

2. After getting beaten up about 3 times, the whopping of the same intensity is not all that bad the 4th time and it's nearly non-existent the 5th time and onwards.

3. You can develop a thick skin in a 3-month period.

4. Divas should leave their diva-ness at the doorstep at home. I need you to work, damnit, not tell me what to do while rolling your eyes.

5. I learned what type of boss I will be and will NOT be.

6. Patience is definitely key.

7. You must treat people with respect. No need to rush.

8. But you do need to be firm sometimes.

9. Finesse is a wonderful quality.

10. When idiots are talking (and yes, idiots do exist), don't waste your time absorbing what they are saying.

11. When you know that you kick ass, and you're quiet about it, people tend to respect you more.

12. Slightly unrelated, but, don't buy a house with a guy unless you two are married.

13. "Thank you" with a smile will gain a lot of results.

14. Never compare yourself to others... you're always going to lose that game.

15. If you see something that someone else is doing, and it works, and it benefits everyone, go ahead, copy it and watch results just flourish.

16. Don't ever be afraid of being yelled at-- that stifles your creativity, you ability to think and your ability to get things done. If someone makes you feel that way, you've got to reflect as to why you are giving them so much power. Once you realize that they are human, do what you've got to do.

Idealism

2005-07-16T23:02:00.000-04:00

I see nothing wrong with this word. Or the 'L' word (liberal). I want the world to change, ok? I want to make an impact. I want things to be better.

I want people in the world to NOT starve. Don't feed me any of this "Well, that's how it goes" BS or any utilitarian BS. There's no reason for that.

Africa DOES have a purpose in this world and it is NOT a lost cause. I'm TIRED of people just dismissing the entire continent of people as a lost cause, therefore, taking all of the responsibility out of their hands to at least think about the problems that exist within the continent. Yes, there are problems of corruption, low education, poverty, the top taking from the bottom and I am DEFINITELY NOT excusing that-- but if you see something broken, why just dismiss it?

Yes, there is definitely a root cause to terrorism and we have to do more than killing the terrorists that are out there. Because even some our own troops said "when I kill one terrorist, I know I am creating three more." So just killing, etc, isn't the only answer. I agree, bin Ladin should be brought to some form of justice, but we've gotta squash this thing from many angles AT THE SAME TIME.

Ok, there, I said all of that. I am an idealist. And I have more to say.

Have we NOT learned anything from 9/11? Have we NOT learned anything from globalization? Have we not learned that all countries are connected stronger than ever whether we like it or not?

And I have to admit that no, I'm not apart of formal processes of negotiations, so I don't know the full story but-- why does it seem like we're not taking a lot of this weapons proliferation stuff more seriously? Why do we criticize the UN and other international organizations of not being effective when it seems as if we have no solutions to make them more effective vis a vis the whole nonproliferation stuff with N. Korea, Iran and possibly other countries?

I don't know-- I thought that I would grow out of this but apparently I haven't. And for good reason too. Someone argued that Idealism is completely opposite of what reality. I argue that some realities are so because of idealistic folks. We somehow balance each other out. Without idealistic thought, there would still be slavery, there would still be no suffrage, no equality whatsoever because that's what things were-- that was the reality. But somehow, this idealism just happened to sift over and turn into a reality. How did this happen? With time, and with faith and with continued idealistic values.

You need the "latte-drinking, Kant-reading hippies" to reign in such realistic "quacks" and vice versa. We need each other. But I think we need a little be more idealism right now...

Just my interpretation of the situation.

What's your type?

2005-07-14T22:22:00.000-04:00

I don't know what it is, but I've noticed that my taste in guys has been getting a bit more keener lately-- it's not all over the map like it was freshman year of college.

I don't know why a short gal like me like guys who are at least 6 feet tall. I mean, it's impractical! But I've noticed that that's the case. And I tend to look at guys who fit this description and more in this order:

I tend to look if he has:
1. Beautiful dreds
2. A 'fro
3. A bald head
4. Chocolate skin
5. muscles
6. Dreamy smile

I mean, although most of the top pretty much refered to Black Men, there other criteria that would get my attention just as much if the guy weren't black... i.e. a lean body, maybe lanky, kinda goofy... or a gentle voice, loud laughter, beautiful blue eyes...

OK, maybe I'm still stuck in freshman year.

What brought this up is that I saw a guy on the way home today and he looked a lot like my red-headed guy friend who I have a slight crush on. Since I haven't seen my friend in months, the crush just waned away and I've been trying to pinpoint ever since why the past few guys I've dated just don't have the exact same qualities physically or characteristically.

Ah, well, I'll have fun figuring it out as I meet guys who fit different qualities...

Family Affair

2005-07-14T21:25:00.000-04:00

So, my cousins are in town this week and next week. They are 9 and 11 and they are adorable. However, they have to stay at mean Grandma's house. Dun dun dun. Now, I say mean because that's how she's described by all of my cousins who had to deal with her at least 5 minutes of their lifetimes. However, I was raised by her and my Grandfather for 18 years. So, I think I have a better perspective of how she is than the rest of my cousins.

Ok, Grandma can be a bit biting at times: she doesn't really yell, per se, but it's a really stern voice and it sounds like that can throw an uppercut at the ripe old age of 75. And she's very nit-picky, very serious about portions and serious about her philosophy of how and when children should eat and play. That doesn't sound that different from other Grandmas. Also, she's pretty keen on children responding to her when she asks a question. Basically, out of this entire equation between her and Granddaddy, kids hands down like Granddaddy the most. And they are usually terrified of Grandma.

Ok, I just have to say that this isn't fair to Grandma. One must understand the reason why the house is so clean, the dishes are clean, the food is so glamourously cooked, tastes so well, the home is really fit for 100 people to come in and just sit down-- it's because she has strict rules. Now she can get a bit annoying when it comes to HOW things should be done, but no one is dead because she said it sternly.

My beef is that I have loyalty to both my aunt and my grandmother (as I should) but the other thinks the other is wrong when it comes to children. My aunt does not think my grandmother is nurturing enough-- she's too critical which makes people shun her. My grandmother thinks that she's right-- you can't have children just running around and tearing up the place. Both have a point. However, both don't realize that their point is besides the entire overarching point.
My aunt does not realize that my Grandma's rules are actually needed-- if someone walks into the room and does not say anything, they are, in fact, being rude. And that's completely uncalled for especially in a 70-something year old's home. You're not appreciating the fact that your grandparents are to be respected and you must come correct. And her rules are being seen as strict and seen as nurturing as well. There is something behind these rules.
My Grandma does not realize that she does not have to be strict on the forefront-- not every kid is going to run into the house and tear it up. Give the kids a chance-- don't assume the worst out of them when you first see them. Also, her very critical yet generic speeches about children maybe aren't the best when they are in earshot.

The overarching point is that we are all family--- and the thing about that is that when you try too hard to make people something that they aren't, then controversy will occur. And when there's a proxy (me), there tends to be side-taking. While I'm giving each side advice on how to live with each other and that no one really is wrong, I have a feeling I'm going to be the scapegoat somehow.

It's hard to stay out of something when you've already put your 2 cents in.

Trying to stay alive

2005-07-13T07:30:00.000-04:00

I just got off of the night shift Monday morning... I'm still having a hard time readjusting to a normal schedule. It's 7:30 am now and my head HURTS. I guess the past two nights weren't good ones to start experimenting with pina coladas or strawberry daiquiris.

Even so, it's ridiculous how hard it is to stay awake or trying not to wake up with headaches--- I have nothing to show for these headaches-- not like I've been out dancing all night.

Wish me luck. I really need to clean up this place but I have NO motivation-- no wonder why those 9 days off go by so quickly. Now it's down to 7. I missed a day somewhere in there....

Reflections of a DC Native

2005-07-10T05:03:00.000-04:00

I haven't had a chance to write about this until now. But this time last week, I was able to experience where I came from, where I am now and what happens when I go back to where I came from.

Raised by my grandparents from the age of 14 months in Anacostia, SE DC (don't get worried, I won't take your money!), I was exposed to most of the stuff that went on in that quadrant of the Nation's Capital. However, maybe my fam was different or something, but we didn't really get caught up in the latest foolishness/crimes/whatever. I think the thing that helped with that was the fact that my grandparents lived on a relatively old block (the whole street was full of senior citizens). So, it was pretty much cool, at least on that block. But the places we went for daily necessities was all within that quadrant. Safeway was up on Alabama Ave, we'd go out to Branch Avenue/MD to go shopping and to the movies (either in or near Iverson Mall), go to b-day parties at the roller-skating rink on Branch Ave, go to Red Lobster on that same strip... may go a little further out to go to Marlow Heights to go to Sears/JC Penny for furniture.
We went to the Indian Head Highway area for around 8 years for my piano lessons religiously every Monday afternoon (which later changed to Saturdays due to the horrible traffic on Mondays, but the dedication never wavered).

But pretty much, that was my world for 18 years. It expanded just an itty bit when I was 13 when I attended Hine Jr. High on Capitol Hill, but that only consisted of me getting on the bus and then hurriedly getting back home where it was safe (how ironic is that? I thought my home in SE was definitely more safer than the rest of the city and now people are swearing to me that SE is the most dangerous place on the planet.) With High school, it was up in the Georgia Ave/U Street Cardozo area. My world expanded a bit more, but not really until senior year.

The funny thing is that I ended up going to Georgetown for college... but I had not visited Georgetown U. or the Georgetown area until the April before my first semester. Again, my life was NOT in Georgetown, so why did I need to go up there?

Now, I've been out of college for 2 years, I work in the area and I currently live in Glover Park. Yet, I'm still figuring out what's out there in this wonderful city. Not things like the Kennedy Center, Tom Toms, Raku or the Hart Building on Capitol Hill or the 5,000 Starbucks in our city. It was the other easier things: K-Mart? Walmart? Target? These places are in VA-- there's NO way I'm going out there! But, alas, I had to find one of these places last week. My grandma just got out of the hospital about 2 weeks ago (she's fine! She just has to slow down a bit). One day, I decided to rent a car ... I then asked Grandma if she needed anything before I visited her-- esp anything heavy since I had a car. All she needed was a simple housecoat/robe. It's all good, I think.

So I go to the Target on Route 1 (well, near Crystal City) and they don't have it. I could have easily gone to Pentagon City but the only thing that was holding me back was the fact that I may have to parallel park (which I'm horrible at). So, I think of the KMart that's out on Branch Avenue. That's all I knew.

I had not been along that strip in YEARS. K-Mart wasn't there anymore. Iverson Mall wasn't as popular as it used to be and looked rundown. The Hechts was rundown as well, but still there. There were tons of cheap stores along the strip and I found a really nicecoat for Grandma. I stopped by a couple of other stores, got a couple of catcalls, some dude asking for my number and a girl just "gritting" on me. I got back into my car and drove to my grandparents.

I weaved down Alabama Avenue, pass the new Safeway, the no-longer Giant... then onto Good Hope Road pass the Anacostia Public Library that I used to go to everyday during the summers and actually try to compete with my cousins to see who could read a book the fastest. I weaved down a bit more down Good Hope Road and saw that the old McDonalds was now a laundromat. I turned past my old elementary school, which also looked rundown and then on the block of Frederick Douglas Memorial Home (gorgeous) and I was at my grandparents.

When I got in, I was exhausted. Granted, it was 91 degrees outside and I had been driving for FOREVER. But something else made me very exhausted. This hunt for a housecoat took me through at least 18 years of memories-- good and bad-- and a feeling of how much I do not belong to my old neighborhood and also how isolated as a kid I was from the city. I don't remember going to the Gap or Banana Republic then, nor did I going to anywhere near NW unless there was something VERY specific we needed. I thought constantly of the stereotypes there are about both the NW areas and the SE areas... also about how much I don't know about DC and how out of touch I've been with the SE area (to some extent, by my own choice).

So, I hung out with my grandfather in the basement as he watched the baseball game and talked to Grandma for a bit as she fussed at Granddaddy-- same business as usual. Then I fell into a very very deep sleep for 2 hours on one of the beds in the basement. I felt that same sense of safeness right there that I had years ago when I'd come home from a day at school. It's weird-- maybe it's because it's really home. And it's also weird because I always thought I'd feel more safe somewhere else, i.e. my condo in Glover Park that I purchased 2 years ago... was I running away 2 years ago after graduation? Am I still running away? Well, one thing's for sure, I do like my current place and I will grow more where I am now... but it will take a while for me to develop that sense of security as I felt during my 2 hour soul-rest.

Stay tuned for more revelations...

Jazz in DC

2005-07-10T04:02:00.000-04:00

I'm definitely looking forward to Monday-- after Monday morning, I'm off from work for a good period of time.

I'm trying to think of places to go around DC that I've always wanted to do-- that being going to a jazz club.

I'm excited because there are some good acts going on at Blues Alley (on Wisconsin) and Bohemian Caverns (U Street-Cardozo). I haven't been to either of these places before, and I somewhat pride myself on being some form of a jazz buff. Well, the chance is here.

Apparently, Blues Alley is pretty famous--- The Duke himself played there, Dizzy, Ella, Trane, Miles, Bird--- all of these 'cats' were there. Can you imagine DC in the hay-day of jazz? I KNOW it was awesome (despite the thing called segregation).

I definitely cannot wait until Tuesday-- gonna doll myself up, try to convince someone to go with me on a Tuesday night (wish me luck)-- if not, I'll go by myself. And no, I'm not a loser for that! :)

Let you know how it goes.

Friends

2005-07-10T03:30:00.000-04:00

This is a test to see if this actually goes through. I was totally digging the curly fro at that time. (Um, like, 3 months ago. LOL)

Why I hate my job right about now...

2005-07-05T22:46:00.000-04:00

... ok, maybe not HATE but currently not liking my immediate disposition. It's hard trying to do something when everyone's gone from work... I miss my friends... I'm starting to miss the ability to do stuff freely or take leave freely.

Also, I'm starting my first night of the shift of nights. That's usually the most depressing day.

Also, I'm dreading 4 am when my SIA comes barrelling in complaining about a mishap that has been taken care of but she won't let me go without letting me know or at least giving me the silent treatement to show her disappointment. Gawd.

Well, what are you going to do? Such is life...

If I Ain't Got You

2005-07-05T09:29:00.000-04:00

The other day, I finished learning the music to Alicia's "If I Ain't Got You." It's surprisingly easy but it took me a fully-committed hour to sit down, listen to it on the iPod and sort of look at the music I purchased. I've learned, after spending $14.95, that the sheet music is merely a guide, not exactly what Alicia is playing on the song. It's ok, though. I can impress so many people by playing that song over and over--- I'm not just a classical music person-- I can branch out as well!

Beauty Salon

2005-06-24T17:04:00.000-04:00

OK, I don't know if this is a Black woman phenomenon but I'mma tell you... we tolerate a bit too much...
Why do we insist on going to the hair dresser knowing it will take almost up to 6-8 hours to get your hair done? Well, that's what I've been doing for the past 12 years... and until I figure out a newer method or find someone more efficient or make enough money to hire my very own stylist, I think I'll be doing this for a long while to come.
Don't get me wrong... waiting for that long to have you hair look BANGING is not ALL bad... but while you're sitting there, you just can't help but think "Man, I could be at home chillin' RIGHT NOW." But your hair has to look presentable for work, depending on what type of job you have. Times like these, I just wish I went the art route and just kept my Afro... oh, it would be so big by now... Oh, how I LOVE Afros...
But the straight hair route isn't all bad... and this stylist has been keeping my hair ridiculously healthy and beautiful for the past 2 years... so, in the end, waiting a little longer may not be ALL bad...

test again

2005-06-23T11:04:00.000-04:00

test again

Brahms

2005-06-23T00:03:00.000-04:00

OK...
I sat down and practiced for a full hour and a half today... it was very theraputic.. but I was doing the usual pieces--- Beethoven's Pathetique Sonata: The first movement of which I cannot play without the sheet music... the second movement as gorgeous as always (if I do say so myself).. the third movement a bit off tempo but as exciting as it gets!
Then, of course, the wonderful Chopin pieces: Nocturne in D-flat major, Waltz in c-sharp minor, the other Nocturne in e-minor...

But, then I came across this book hidden underneath a whole bunch of other piano books that I was able to take from Grandma's house... there was a piece I randomly started working on back in 2002 when I was a senior in college... Johannes Brahms' Rhapsody in g-minor. I know immediately why I stopped-- I wasn't really particular about that piece and from that piece, I based all of Brahms works. (Which isnt' really fair... but I've totally done that to Debussy and Schumann)

I made the vow to branch out and learn more stuff other than Chopin. So, I went out to Borders and bought a recording of ALL of his piano works-- yeah, a whopping 30 bucks (which is a lot when you think of buying CDs). And I have to say I LOVE it so far... dont' get me wrong, I'm still a Chopin gal, but according to his biography, Chopin totally influenced Brahms, so it is natural that I like Brahms, eh??

Condoleezza Rice stated that her favorite composer is Brahms because "... his music has no resolve". It is quite mysterious, I must say, and very intriguing. It has a beginning but several endings but he doesn't choose one. It's not necessarily virtuostic but it's quite captivating and any pianist who has the desire to just go with his flow... Dr. Rice was very right-- I can see why she likes Brahms the most. He's not the first that most people would point out as their favorite and she has proven to not be an ordinary person!

Where to begin? I think I'm in it for the long haul... it seems worth it... I'm very excited about this endevour! :) And this is one I think I can do-- I mean, I have the piano, the music, the recording and the skill... it's not as far-fetched as my guitar endevour (which has yet to begin... LOL)

Steinway and Sons

2005-06-20T10:05:00.000-04:00

Well, this endevour is going to be a bit harder than I thought...
There's this place called Steinway Hall of New York City-- halls and halls and halls of beautiful Steinway pianos... I thought any ole body could just walk on in and have a sit down and look at all of the pianos they want. However, after calling them, it seems like you really have to buy from them.
After doing some research after having purchased my Roland digitial, I see that I have to buy from Jordan Kitts rather than Steinway itself. It's all good-- I'll still find my way to Steinway Hall of NYC... I've just gotta. You can't let all of those beautiful pianos just sit there without fiddlin' with them or at least just looking at them.

Ricky and James Brown

2005-06-15T17:35:00.000-04:00

Just listening to James Brown's "I Got Soul... and I'm Superbad!!" and there's a part where James Brown just screeches at a decible and note that should not be humanly possible. The cat was just chilling on my lap while I was typing e-mail...

Then came the screech...the cat had to hide under the bed.

I guess the cat has a long way to go to get into my music taste... I'm sorry, James Brown is the MAN!!! :)

A Day when you realize...

2005-06-15T17:33:00.000-04:00

... how much ass you kick, is a good day!

Today (or this morning) was a pretty stressful morning-- briefing a bunch of crap, I think the most in like recent history. But today was when I was happy to actually work where I do. LOL

Rachmoninoff Revisited

2005-06-12T03:56:00.000-04:00

Once again, ladies and gentlemen, the Rachmoninoff worked... and I hope it continues to work.... wish me tons of luck!

Yes, Indeed

2005-06-09T18:54:00.000-04:00

Yes, indeedy.... so far, the Rachmoninoff Approach does work... with a lot of coaching and a lot of confidence, it can happen!

Let's see if it'll happen again soon!!!

This time tomorrow night

2005-06-08T00:12:00.000-04:00

... I'll be able to let you know if the "Rachmoninoff Approach" to guys worked. :)

Stay tuned! :)

Running

2005-06-04T14:39:00.000-04:00

Anyone want to run with me?

I want to run in the Marines Marathon that's at the end of October. Three really good reasons: 1. My uncle was a Marine and I'm sure that he'd be very proud!
2. It'll whip me back into shape.
3. A sense of accomplishment would be AWESOME!

Let you know how THAT goes and if THAT idea goes anywhere!

test

2005-06-02T23:56:00.000-04:00

The Stupid Song

2005-06-01T20:18:00.000-04:00

There was a song that a bunch of us used to listen to while we were in South Africa. A girl name Meredith went to school with a guy who just took his guitar and wrote a bunch of songs. One of them, which I will NEVER forget, is called "The Stupid Song". It goes a lil something like this...

You're so stupid
The stupidest person in the world, oh
I never thought I'd meet anyone so stupid
But wait, it was you...
I never thought I'd meet anyone so stu-stupid
But I was wrong
Find out you're the stupidest person
All Day long...
I can't believe
I just can't believe
Just how stupid, how stupid you are
You're more stupider
Than the brightest shooting star
Ha ha... Ha ha.. Ha ha... Ha ha
You're so stupid
You're stupider than me
You're even more stupid
Than the stupidest tree....
You say calling things stupid is childish
You say calling things stupid is childish
I say calling things childish is stupid
You stupid child!

I think this is quite hilarious. Apparently, some of this was just to rhyme words with other words! But I have never heard "Stupid" used so much in one song. HILARIOUS!!!!

It's good to have this piano in here

2005-06-01T19:01:00.000-04:00

This Alicia Keys song, Diary, has been stuck in my head for forever... and it's not the words, it's the piano part in the background. So, I spent about an hour figuring out what in the world she was playing. I figured it out.... the part where she goes "...Just think of me as the pages in yoooouur diarrrryyyy--eee" is really hard b/c she modulates down a bit, but it makes sense. It would have been boring if she did not do that.
I'm definitely an "academic" pianist at heart--- I had to decipher what she was playing by understanding the key in which she was playing and tried to figure out the accompaniment through such theory. The modulation was the toughest because it was not the first, second or third key change choice I would have guessed... to get REALLY technical, she was definitely in A-flat minor and she modulated down to E-flat minor then to G major... wow... who does that? It's gorgeous, nonetheless.
I wish that I had the ability to play by ear or to just come up with stuff... but one thing I've found is that those who can play by ear wished that they could read music, write music, etc. It's really interesting. I'm sure there are those who can do both, but either way, it's a gift.

Lovely Day

2005-05-26T16:15:00.000-04:00

Today so far has been a wonderful day.

I got my grades back from this semester... The ramblings and the long nights actually paid off--- I got a B+ in my International Arms trade class (which is miraculous b/c I really did not know what in the world was going on) and, brace yourself, a solid A in my Comparative Intel Course! Wow!!!! I'm SOOO excited! I'm extremely happy about this! I cannot believe I cut it so close to the deadline that I did so well on those final papers! I'm ESTATIC!!

Also, today, I went to the Washington Humane Society to adopt a cat. I was going to get a cat that spoke to me and I found him. He's ADORABLE... he's a shorthair/siamese mix, 8 months old and has Pantene Pro-V like silky black hair. Beautiful. The poor thing has a little cold which should clear up in a couple of days (all of which will be done by the time he comes into the house!). His name is Ricky (I didn't name the kitty). BUT, I decided his full name will be: Richard Wagner Montgomery. (You can add "The Third" or "Esq" if you wanna to make it sound more official!) I must give props to the Humane Society-- they really do the best they can to make sure that the homes that these kitties go to is all good. I should be getting a home visit pretty soon. I hope I pass! :)

Alright-- gonna clip out some catfood coupons! YES!!!

State of Love, Part TWO

2005-05-25T01:20:00.000-04:00

OK, I don't know about my generation but there are some times when I don't think I can hang with what is going on or the rules of hooking up and stuff like that. The rules that you may have more than one boyfriend, one in each state, one just in case, one on the side who just likes to shop with you, blah blah blah. Frankly, I'm at the point to where it's all just a bunch of baloney (bolonga) whatever-- it's crap.

OK, don't get me wrong-- I understand what's at stake here when you look at the alternative of such casual dating: you risk getting your heart broken or, even worse, having the other person know that your heart was broken. And I understand that I'm in my 20s, why get bogged down and serious, etc? It's completely impractical--- and as a serious Capricorn, 'impractical' is DEFINITELY not in my vocabulary.

But, damn it, this is where I have to live up to who I am and realize that I am my mother's child and that I am what I am: I'm a romantic at heart. It's so corny, it's sad, some may see it as a weakness I'm admiting, but I'm suffocating in my own self-denial. (And Chopin would be disappointed in me if I didn't own up to it).

There, I said it.

Have you ever wanted to be HEAD OVER HEELS IN LOVE? What the hell is wrong with that? Why don't I see that anymore? I don't see anyone who really cares or gives a hoot about another person's feelings. It's interesting that no one wants to be alone at the end of the day, but no one wants to try to care for another person. What kind of horse poop is that? That's such a contradition of actions right there. There are better ways to emotionally protect yourself!

In some e-mail that I got, one of the good quotes were: "To achieve great love or great achievement, it takes great risk" or something to that effect. Anyone who doesn't want to do this is a big punk. Yes, I said that too. You're a huge punk if don't take these risks for LUV or personal achievement (which in turn may be LUV!). You're a punk and a sheep.

Now, I'm not saying go out there and choose any schmoe and get hurt and stay in an abusive relationship-- there's a lot of practical motions that one would take that are foregone conclusions in this blog. But I feel that much would be gained if folks wear their hearts on their sleeves just a little bit more.

That's just my intepretation of the situation.

So, now what should I do?

2005-05-25T01:00:00.000-04:00

Ok, I just got off of that gawd-awful night shift. I'm WIDE awake on a Wednesday morning, tried to IM a buddy but he conviniently signed off (it's way past a normal person's bedtime anyway), and I just finished watching an amazing movie, Woman, Thou Art Loosed, and debating whether to watch that Stephen King joint, the Dead Zone or to read a Stephen King joint, "The Library Policeman" which is getting REALLY good.

Ah, I think some Baileys and watching the Dead Zone might be a lovely combo... esp after eating some Manny and Olga's pizza sub..... uuuuuuuuggggggghhhh. I don't know what's scarier--- the Stephen King joints or what I"m going to look like in the morning... OOW!! :)

Grown Up?

2005-05-18T01:00:00.000-04:00

Remember the days of freshman year of college when a bunch of kids got together to see what life REALLY was about? To discuss that some religions are absolutely awesome and others are just misguided? To deconstruct the different ways in which racism is definitely institutionalized? Those days when Plato was thoroughly discussed or whether Kant's theory of democratic peace was actually true? Man, we were truly introspective back then.
But now as a 24 year old, can I still do that? I definitely have the brain matter to absorb and articulate. Do I really want to anymore? No, not really. Does this make me any less smarter? Absolutely not. If anything, I'm smart to steer clear of these conversations if they occur on a frequent basis.

Here's my reasoning. Discussions take time. Thinking, also, takes time. But going to work, going to grad school and maintaining a social life also take time.

I have realized that I now prefer talking about the OC, pop culture or gossiping about folks at work with my friends from work and other places (even from college). I resisted it a lot when I first graduated from college because I believed that we all should be having such intellectual conversations. Nonstop. All the time. Just like in college. I mean, we're older and more mature than the kids in college, we can definitely keep this momentum, right?

Wrong.

One reason is that, I'm a figuring out, is that there's so much I'm learning about myself that I would prefer to keep to myself as it takes a lot of energy to describe to other people. And it takes a lot of time to find people who really care about your description of yourself. A lot of this intellectualism that was once used to share with others about the circle of life should not be used to preach to others or to show what I know, but to actually find my own weaknesses and strengths; figure out why certain things have triggered such a negative reaction in me; figure out what I really want to do with my life without the noise of others' opinions and philosophies ringing in my head. And to not develop any form of self-conscious because I don't know what "post-post existentialism-ist" means. (That's soooo sophmore year. Who the hell cares now?) I have the brain matter to analyze a lot of this stuff... but what I have learned is that I need to do this for myself.
That takes A LOT out of me. Don't let anyone lie to you and tell you that it doesn't take a lot of of them either. So when I'm with people, I want it to be light, comforting and friendly. No battle of the wits are needed. It is clearly assumed that we all have the same capacity to have thoughts, think things and analyze them, recall facts, read things and regurgitate them. Overall, we are smart people.
This takes me back to a conversation I had with some college buddies this past evening. I told them I am a part of the Kickball league here at Adams Morgan. As goofy as it sounds, and they gladly tried to make fun of it, it's really a great relief from the regular hustle and bustle of a work day. And as much as I like myself (or convince myself that I do), I feel that it's a great way to be around people who are really cool... you'll meet at least one new really cool person everytime you play. Folks from work that I consider really good friends are a part of it and we have a blast. Our bond may not run as long as my other ones with other friends from high school or college, but they seem to be just as deep... it's quite interesting...
Don't get me wrong-- a good debate or a good rehashing of the realist theory of how the world should go is very intriguing and is encouraged. But on a weekly basis is quite questionable.
This is what gets me thinking-- is this (other than kickball) what grown ups really do? Has my perspective changed like it should? After checking in with reliable sources that are over the age of 35, it seems to be right on track...
Wow... I don't wanna see what 26 looks like, then! :)

Grandma was Right!

2005-05-17T22:37:00.000-04:00

I was at a cool store on U Street today and started reading this book of poems/songs/lyrics written by Alicia Keys. I do have to say that she's growing on me more and more. It's undeniable that the girl has got a lot of soul and she sings really well. And the fact that she plays the piano is a huge plus in my book. But I'm really feeling a lot of what she has to say. And in her Introduction, I saw that what she was revealing was her real soul and all of it.
I was shocked to see that a performer of her stature and her natural talent still felt vulnerable and insecure and overall inadequate--- but the fact that she was able to let me, a mere Washingtonian just stumbling into a store know something like this is, to me, remarkable.

It goes to show: Grandma was right... Even the most beautiful, the most talented, the most whatever still have insecurities. No matter how much reassurance they get, there's some uncertainty or just creeping thought that someone out there just doesn't like them.

The natural question (to Alicia) would be "So What??? You make millions and that schmoe over there ain't got jack! Who cares what he thinks????"

To some extent, we should be asking ourselves the same things--- "Who cares if Suze in the Africa Division doesn't like me? Who cares what so and so says about me?"

We all do it. We all feel it. It comes down to a contradition in human nature: we all want to do our own thing, be individualistic but want it be normal enough for everyone else to like us or at least assure us that we're ok in doing what we want to do. It's impossible to do. It's impossible to please EVERYBODY. And this is when you have to fight this battle: the battle of being yourself at risk of losing people you were (or are) friends with or being like everyone else at the risk of losing your own integrity and disappointing yourself.
The easy answer, of course, is to be yourself and do what's right for you. But is that really it? You really run the risk of feeling as if what is right for you isn't enough for other people to think it's OK. It really hurts when you think about it as it is completely stifling and, in the truest and non-offensive sense of the word, retarding. This is where the insecurities and feelings of inadequacy come from. And, really, overall, it's our own faults sometimes. (No offense, Miss Keys).

Seriously. I can only give my own examples. Example: About 6 months ago, I was talking to one of my friends about career choices. Now, she has been job-hopping and at that point, she was at job number 4 since we graduated from college which, at that time, had been about 1.5 years. She was thinking about what job she wanted to do at that point and whether she wanted to go to grad school or not. I never judged-- she had a place to stay and food to eat and a place to wash her clothes so I figured that she was good to go. These were her choices and this was her life and she never really complained. She seemed to like what she was doing at the time, so, who cares what anyone thought?? Then she said the weirdest/almost-insulting thing to me: "Well, when I look at your life, Stanli, I just look at it as boring. I mean, you just have had one job since we graduated, you're doing the grad school thing too, which makes it a lot more boring... and you haven't left the city since you were raised here, went to school here and now you still work here and you live here. No, I'm going on a different path."
Now, mind you, her comparing my life to hers had NOTHING to do with any form of the conversation. But it hurt, I have to say. (And it still does just a little when I think about it too much). Immediately, it made me feel really inadequate as if I had no depth or just one of those people who live in towns and just never leave--- one of "those" people who just have no worldly perspective or never will, therefore, my life can be dismissed as "regular" or "unspectacular" or "uninteresting". And if my life is that way, nothing of what I have to say is of value either. End of story.
Hmm...
Really? Do I really have to believe this?
I don't think so.
I may be boring TO HER... but what would I classify myself as? Let's see-- absolutely practical, reliable and stable. And not to mention pretty darned smart to have so much lined up after graudation. Let's take a look at my own personality-- I have a heart attack at the sight of a possibility of a bill being unpaid. I have a heart attack when it seems like I won't have a place to stay. Wanna know why I have these heart attacks? In my mind, I have very little cushion if I should fall-- yes, I have family, but my heart and self-pride won't let me depend on others when I should have been taking care of business all along. I understand extreme circumstances, but in everyday life, I'm depending on me. But really, I'm not into any of this "finding myself" crap as a full time job--- I can find myself on the side but I've gotta make sure the bills are paid. Maybe that's a lasting condition of the way I was raised or maybe that's how I conditioned myself--- either way, that's who I am. And in order to stay true to who I am, I've gotta do what's comfortable for me.

Or what I could have said to her to sum all of that all was : "Girl, don't hate because my net worth's 5 times yours. You know I'm a negrita rica." (Mad props to a friend for planting the Spanish in my head).

Overall, that was the dilemma... I could have tried to argue to make it seem like I wasn't boring or even go out and do stupid shit to prove I wasn't... but that's to be like someone else and gain someone else's approval for them liking me. But I would have lost alot of myself in the process.

Grandma's right, as usual: everyone has insecurities... but really, how do we deal with them? How does Alicia deal with them? I guess she could have taken a world poll and see if people would like her more if she sang less of this or more that... but, that's not real. What I'm really guessing is that she puts all of her anger, her tears, her fears, what other people say about her, her own self-doubt, other's criticisms, her own criticisms and whatever else in a box, puts it aside and pours herself into what she does best... and look what we've got... a Grammy winning, amazingly talented individual who just continues to shine despite whatever critisms that are out there.

I guess there's a lot I can learn from Miss Keys. Her poems of what she feels are her insecurities and inadequacies aren't just out there for nothing. We all have these feelings--- what really matters is what we do with them. We can let them take over our lives or we look at them as miniscule pieces of crap that they are and move on. I prefer the latter.

Don't It Always Seem to Go...

2005-05-16T14:54:00.000-04:00

...That you don't know what you've till it's gone...?

I "discovered" two new artists today... one was Joni Mitchell. Wow... she's really really good!
On a whim, I bought her "Hits" CD yesterday. I don't know, something told me to go ahead and buy it and it'll probably be good. I really like it. Since I was cleaning up my apartment and listening to her at the same time, so all of the lyrics did not absorb in my head, but I have to say that her sound is awesome. No wonder why she's lasted so long throughout the years.

The other artist is Amy Winehouse. She's a British singer and she has the jazziest voice I've heard on a young person in a long time. Almost a month ago, a friend of mine and I were watching a movie and a Joss Stone song came on. I told her that I really liked Joss Stone. She then told me that if I liked Joss Stone, I'd like this Amy Winehouse chick. My friend immediately burned Amy's CD. I have to say, it was really really good on first "hear".

Wow, where have I been??? Maybe listening to the same 10 MJ songs can do that too you (esp if the same 10 MJ songs are REALLY good!!!! Which they are!)

More to explore...

~...they paved paradise... put up a parking lotttttt~